ext_53991 ([identity profile] jupiterrhode.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] alexandraerin 2011-02-11 08:02 pm (UTC)

Page nine of the sans, first paragraph: "..would end up would end up"

Page nine, third paragraph: "There are some dangerous career..." Careers?

Page 22, second full paragraph:"...actually did get stop..." get *to stop?

This just a personal thing, but on page 16, last paragraph, I think "Being able to exert four times as much force with my legs doesn't equal being able to jump four times as high. Because my body mass is not that much higher than anyone else of my height and weight." could easily be combined into a much more elegant sentence. YMMV

Okay, actual feedback! Personally, I find the serif version much more attractive to the eye, although sometimes the spacing between words is oddly huge. Other times it's fine. I'm intrigued by the kayfabe conceit, can't wait for more.

On the litsnack site, in the terms and conditions page, the third paragraph has a typo: generalyl, instead of generally.

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