alexandraerin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
alexandraerin) wrote2009-12-15 09:53 am
alexandraerin) wrote2009-12-15 09:53 am
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I had this plan that around midnight last night I'd make another Livejournal post about how it was almost exactly two weeks before I'd be touching down in Maryland, but then around eleven I realized that due to the time difference that was closer than midnight, and then I got so excited thinking about it that I forgot to actually make the post.
To paraphrase one of the great thinkers of our age, I was literally giddy with glee. I'm very excited about this trip. For anybody who missed it, I will be in the vicinity of Hagerstown, Maryland for a couple weeks in early January... long enough that we should be able to put together some sort of get-together if any readers in the area want to come out and chat a bit.
I don't talk about my personal life that much here. That's not so much that I think people would be shocked by anything in it... actually, it's kind of the opposite. My work is personal enough in nature that I think many people could make some fairly accurate guesses from it. Though, on the other hand, I've seen people make some very bizarre and off-the-wall guesses about my political leanings and outlook on things by reading too deeply into things said or believed by random characters. But I don't think many people would be shocked to learn that I'm transgendered, that I'm bisexual, that I'm polyamorous, or that I'm a bit kinky.
But of course, I'm more than those labels. The internet is full of people who look at simple nutshell descriptions, realize they apply or appeal to them, and decide, "Hey, this person is perfect for me!" The problem of dealing with nutshells is that, ironically, so much can fit into them. Knowing that someone else is kinky doesn't tell you if you'll be compatible with them. In fact, I daresay that two people who aren't kinky have a better chance of being compatible than two who are... there are more ways to be "kinked" than there are to be normal. Even if you know that someone else is dominant and you're submissive, or that someone else is a sadist and you are a masochist, that's no guarantee that you are what each other are looking for. A relationship based on those kinds of nutshells and other vague statements ("You like art and music? What a coincidence. I like art and music!") might seem like a good idea on paper, but it's likely to lead to disappointment... and possibly hurt feelings if the people who thought they were so right for each other believe they've been misled. ("What do you mean, you don't enjoy my favorite band? You told me you liked music!")
I've been conscious of that since my thing with Jack moved from awkward internet flirtation to awkward internet relationship, and will do my best to remain that way as we move on to awkward real-life relationship. It helps a little that we had a lengthy acquaintanceship before either one of us knew the other one was interested. It helps that he's unusually perceptive in some ways (while being charmingly oblivious in others). It helps that I do have this huge body of slightly personal work that a perceptive man who talks to me daily can use to glean insight from.
So I'm optimistic. I've said before that an internet relationship has the same pitfalls as any other kind, they're just much harder to spot. But we've kept our eyes open. One can look at this as someone who's going across the country to meet someone after three months of e-dating, or one can look at it as a first date with extensive prep work.
Just to add something to my previous note on D&D: the holiday bundle includes a discount on subscription to the online content. I highly recommend this. While the game is plenty fun right out of the notional box, it has improved by leaps and bounds with successive releases that give you more options for your characters, and having a subscription to D&D Insider gives you access to a nifty Character Generator program that is updated monthly with every option published on the website or in the books. It's a great deal.
I try not to talk about D&D too much on here because I have a separate blog for game-geekery, but I figure people who aren't into the game (or into the new version) right now aren't going to be following that and that's who this deal might appeal to.
To paraphrase one of the great thinkers of our age, I was literally giddy with glee. I'm very excited about this trip. For anybody who missed it, I will be in the vicinity of Hagerstown, Maryland for a couple weeks in early January... long enough that we should be able to put together some sort of get-together if any readers in the area want to come out and chat a bit.
I don't talk about my personal life that much here. That's not so much that I think people would be shocked by anything in it... actually, it's kind of the opposite. My work is personal enough in nature that I think many people could make some fairly accurate guesses from it. Though, on the other hand, I've seen people make some very bizarre and off-the-wall guesses about my political leanings and outlook on things by reading too deeply into things said or believed by random characters. But I don't think many people would be shocked to learn that I'm transgendered, that I'm bisexual, that I'm polyamorous, or that I'm a bit kinky.
But of course, I'm more than those labels. The internet is full of people who look at simple nutshell descriptions, realize they apply or appeal to them, and decide, "Hey, this person is perfect for me!" The problem of dealing with nutshells is that, ironically, so much can fit into them. Knowing that someone else is kinky doesn't tell you if you'll be compatible with them. In fact, I daresay that two people who aren't kinky have a better chance of being compatible than two who are... there are more ways to be "kinked" than there are to be normal. Even if you know that someone else is dominant and you're submissive, or that someone else is a sadist and you are a masochist, that's no guarantee that you are what each other are looking for. A relationship based on those kinds of nutshells and other vague statements ("You like art and music? What a coincidence. I like art and music!") might seem like a good idea on paper, but it's likely to lead to disappointment... and possibly hurt feelings if the people who thought they were so right for each other believe they've been misled. ("What do you mean, you don't enjoy my favorite band? You told me you liked music!")
I've been conscious of that since my thing with Jack moved from awkward internet flirtation to awkward internet relationship, and will do my best to remain that way as we move on to awkward real-life relationship. It helps a little that we had a lengthy acquaintanceship before either one of us knew the other one was interested. It helps that he's unusually perceptive in some ways (while being charmingly oblivious in others). It helps that I do have this huge body of slightly personal work that a perceptive man who talks to me daily can use to glean insight from.
So I'm optimistic. I've said before that an internet relationship has the same pitfalls as any other kind, they're just much harder to spot. But we've kept our eyes open. One can look at this as someone who's going across the country to meet someone after three months of e-dating, or one can look at it as a first date with extensive prep work.
Just to add something to my previous note on D&D: the holiday bundle includes a discount on subscription to the online content. I highly recommend this. While the game is plenty fun right out of the notional box, it has improved by leaps and bounds with successive releases that give you more options for your characters, and having a subscription to D&D Insider gives you access to a nifty Character Generator program that is updated monthly with every option published on the website or in the books. It's a great deal.
I try not to talk about D&D too much on here because I have a separate blog for game-geekery, but I figure people who aren't into the game (or into the new version) right now aren't going to be following that and that's who this deal might appeal to.
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Oh, and I live in Waldorf, MD. I don't know if I will get a chance to come up to Hagerstown and meet you while you are there, but if not, I hope you enjoy yourself.
I am glad...
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That said, I'm not discouraging you in any way from going to see your man. My final belief is that the internet is better for romance and relationships than the traditional way, for a few simple reasons. For starters, if you're looking for love in an non-digital way, where do you go? Bars? The laundromat? Dinner with that person your friend swears is 'just perfect for you!"? At least on the internet, you have a degree of safety and can be a little more particular about who you share your leisure time with. Plus, that blind date might frown on your getting to know them while yearing your comfy pants and watching cartoons at the same time.
Hagerstown, eh?
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I jumped in because I had a *feeling* and I didn't want to let my insecurities drag me down and it paid off. Big time. So I know lots of people are going to say be careful (especially people IRL, we internetters know these things actually can work) but really when talking about risk management it's better to trust your heart and be wrong than to override your heart and be wrong.
I hope you have an awesome Christmas and a wonderful holiday in MD after that.