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Thursday, April 17th
Apr. 17th, 2014 11:56 amThe Daily Report
I realized after writing yesterday's report--not right after, but later in the day and as a result of thinking about what I'd written--that I have been operating under about four or five times normal stress levels for a few weeks now, and that while I can trace the proximate causes of all the individual problems, the stress itself has been the real mechanism that's been wearing me down.
This is important, because all my attempts to recover have amounted to going, "Okay, time to get serious and get down to business," which is not a great way to reduce stress. The things that have actually been helpful--admitting limitations, giving myself more time and space to work in--were meant to be practical measures or ways of mitigating defeats rather than steps forward.
I've talked about how when things start to go badly, they snowball. Not sleeping right means not waking up on time. This throws off things like eating schedule, morning caffeine, pills. These things throw off more things. I lose track of time and practical matters and so I run out of pills, run out of my high protein breakfast food, and then I'm going from inconsistently having these things to not having them.
And each of these things--apart from their purely practical implications--are fueling stress, and are fueled by stress.
This realization isn't so much a solution as it is a course correction. It's like paper finger cuffs... as counterintuitive as it may be, I'm never going to get myself free by straining and pulling as hard as I can.
In terms of an actual plan of action... well, looking at my daily blog entries lately, I can see a big problem and that is a lack of focus. Every day it's something different. And I know why that is. When I wake up feeling fogged in and disoriented and I start trying to push my way through the fog, it can seem like the most important thing in the world is to stay busy, stay productive. So I start casting around my brain, going, "Okay, what am I doing here? What can I work on? What can I do?" And it's early in the morning and I'm really not all there yet.
So, this is what I think I need to do: plan ahead in a more definite way. Yes, when things are going great and everything's coming together and I'm in the groove, I can wake up every morning and just do what comes naturally and it will keep coming together. But that doesn't help me on the days when nothing comes naturally.
The side projects of mine that are really successful... and by this I mean things like Harper's Folly and Gift of the Bad Guy, and even Tales of MU back when it was a side project... are distinguished by the amount of focus they get for short, sustainable periods of time. When I'm in the zone, this is as easy as rolling out of bed... but then we get the days when rolling out of bed is a challenge and they don't just happen.
Right now, I'm already pretty immersed in this SHN superhero thing, so I think I'm going to set that as my primary agenda for next week. That way I can send out the newsletter this week that lays it out, and then next week show some results. Makes sense, right? And then the week after that... well, we'll be coming up on four weeks of radio silence from Harper, so I think it's about time to check in again.
(Note that I'm talking about spending the week after next writing for the next episode, so probably another week before they start unspooling.)
And while I'm setting a definite agenda here, I should be very clear that I'm not forgetting what I said about stress above. Focusing on one thing at a time (and then having the late afternoons clear for Tales of MU) will honestly be more relaxing than flailing around.
The State of the Me
Doing better, honestly. Several days in a row of being up (if not fully awake) at a reasonable time, having a good breakfast, taking all my pills at the right times. We're getting there.
Plans For Today
Well, with the theme being to focus on one thing at a time, I'm really going to focus on the next chapter Tales of MU today, so that there's as little work as necessary on the day the chapter actually needs to go up. Then tomorrow I can just polish the chapter and finish the newsletter.
(I'm not retiring the time block concept, which is useful for structuring my day. But when it takes me several hours to get fully in the saddle, it's not as useful as it could be.)
I realized after writing yesterday's report--not right after, but later in the day and as a result of thinking about what I'd written--that I have been operating under about four or five times normal stress levels for a few weeks now, and that while I can trace the proximate causes of all the individual problems, the stress itself has been the real mechanism that's been wearing me down.
This is important, because all my attempts to recover have amounted to going, "Okay, time to get serious and get down to business," which is not a great way to reduce stress. The things that have actually been helpful--admitting limitations, giving myself more time and space to work in--were meant to be practical measures or ways of mitigating defeats rather than steps forward.
I've talked about how when things start to go badly, they snowball. Not sleeping right means not waking up on time. This throws off things like eating schedule, morning caffeine, pills. These things throw off more things. I lose track of time and practical matters and so I run out of pills, run out of my high protein breakfast food, and then I'm going from inconsistently having these things to not having them.
And each of these things--apart from their purely practical implications--are fueling stress, and are fueled by stress.
This realization isn't so much a solution as it is a course correction. It's like paper finger cuffs... as counterintuitive as it may be, I'm never going to get myself free by straining and pulling as hard as I can.
In terms of an actual plan of action... well, looking at my daily blog entries lately, I can see a big problem and that is a lack of focus. Every day it's something different. And I know why that is. When I wake up feeling fogged in and disoriented and I start trying to push my way through the fog, it can seem like the most important thing in the world is to stay busy, stay productive. So I start casting around my brain, going, "Okay, what am I doing here? What can I work on? What can I do?" And it's early in the morning and I'm really not all there yet.
So, this is what I think I need to do: plan ahead in a more definite way. Yes, when things are going great and everything's coming together and I'm in the groove, I can wake up every morning and just do what comes naturally and it will keep coming together. But that doesn't help me on the days when nothing comes naturally.
The side projects of mine that are really successful... and by this I mean things like Harper's Folly and Gift of the Bad Guy, and even Tales of MU back when it was a side project... are distinguished by the amount of focus they get for short, sustainable periods of time. When I'm in the zone, this is as easy as rolling out of bed... but then we get the days when rolling out of bed is a challenge and they don't just happen.
Right now, I'm already pretty immersed in this SHN superhero thing, so I think I'm going to set that as my primary agenda for next week. That way I can send out the newsletter this week that lays it out, and then next week show some results. Makes sense, right? And then the week after that... well, we'll be coming up on four weeks of radio silence from Harper, so I think it's about time to check in again.
(Note that I'm talking about spending the week after next writing for the next episode, so probably another week before they start unspooling.)
And while I'm setting a definite agenda here, I should be very clear that I'm not forgetting what I said about stress above. Focusing on one thing at a time (and then having the late afternoons clear for Tales of MU) will honestly be more relaxing than flailing around.
The State of the Me
Doing better, honestly. Several days in a row of being up (if not fully awake) at a reasonable time, having a good breakfast, taking all my pills at the right times. We're getting there.
Plans For Today
Well, with the theme being to focus on one thing at a time, I'm really going to focus on the next chapter Tales of MU today, so that there's as little work as necessary on the day the chapter actually needs to go up. Then tomorrow I can just polish the chapter and finish the newsletter.
(I'm not retiring the time block concept, which is useful for structuring my day. But when it takes me several hours to get fully in the saddle, it's not as useful as it could be.)