Further note about motives and agendas.
Jul. 27th, 2011 03:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexandraerinRe-reading my previous post on this subject, I realized that one of the most important parts of the message didn't come through. This happens frequently when I'm trying to be concise about something.
There was no decision to come forward and accuse Caoimhe on the internet rather than in a court of law. We didn't look at the odds and decide that since court was unlikely to give us justice we'd go after her through another avenue.
There was no plan to go after her.
Jack did not see reporting the crime as a positive or helpful step, and in the absence of reporting it, he was content (for a certain extremely fucked-up value of "content") to believe that the whole thing was out of his hands and there was nothing he could do.
His open accusation directed at her on Twitter (a public channel) was an honest and in-the-moment reaction, and once it was out we had to decide what to do about it, and the choices as we saw it were back down or stand our ground.
There were a lot of eyes on Caoimhe at that moment because she was right in the middle of a controversy. There was no way to take it back out of the public eye. If we'd said nothing more or if he'd deleted his Tweet as she deleted her replies, then he would have become the weird random person who randomly accused a feminist RPG designer of rape. He'd probably be associated forever with the RPG.net trolls who'd opposed her project on misogynistic grounds.
And she would have known that he backed down. Whatever came next in her life, whatever she went on to do, she would have learned (again? I don't know) that she can control the situation and get out clean.
It may be said that all this was not the most legally wise decision, but our considerations weren't based on that kind of calculation.
Anyway, this was never going to be a simple and straightforward prosecution that anyone could get through with dignity intact. Taking all this out of the public eye doesn't make Jack not what the courts or media would be likely to see as a "polygamist", it doesn't make us all not trans, it doesn't make Jack and I not in a D/s relationship, it doesn't mean I wasn't sleeping on the floor with a collar around my neck like a pet while he was in bed with her, and it doesn't meant that any or all of these facts wouldn't be made a part of her defense.
Bottom line: don't give me an appeal to anyone's "right to privacy" as part of saying that Jack or I need to have our entire personal lives picked apart and entered into the public freaking record (along with Caoimhe's) to satisfy the minimum requirements for speaking out.
It may also be said that it's not healthy or healing for Jack to engage in "internet drama" before even seeking any kind of professional help... but what do you say to that if I tell you that before this Jack didn't see the point in seeking help, he didn't feel capable of talking about it?
Still, even though the initial actions were ones of emotion this is not a revenge scheme.
We spent the better part of a year wanting to see the best in Caoimhe, wanting the best for her. You don't... well, I shouldn't generalize because other people in similar situations will have their own feelings... but neither of us have it within us to spend all that time wishing someone well and wanting to see them grow into a better and stronger person and then turn around and want to burn their life to the ground and salt the earth.
We just don't.
A wise commenter who preferred to remain screened said something to the effect that prosecution should be the last resort when other remedies (within the bounds of law, obviously) have failed. Prosecution might help accomplish our goals, but even if it does it's likely to have a lot of consequences for both sides that no one wants.
Comment screening is on. Please note specifically if you give permission to have your comment unscreened.
There was no decision to come forward and accuse Caoimhe on the internet rather than in a court of law. We didn't look at the odds and decide that since court was unlikely to give us justice we'd go after her through another avenue.
There was no plan to go after her.
Jack did not see reporting the crime as a positive or helpful step, and in the absence of reporting it, he was content (for a certain extremely fucked-up value of "content") to believe that the whole thing was out of his hands and there was nothing he could do.
His open accusation directed at her on Twitter (a public channel) was an honest and in-the-moment reaction, and once it was out we had to decide what to do about it, and the choices as we saw it were back down or stand our ground.
There were a lot of eyes on Caoimhe at that moment because she was right in the middle of a controversy. There was no way to take it back out of the public eye. If we'd said nothing more or if he'd deleted his Tweet as she deleted her replies, then he would have become the weird random person who randomly accused a feminist RPG designer of rape. He'd probably be associated forever with the RPG.net trolls who'd opposed her project on misogynistic grounds.
And she would have known that he backed down. Whatever came next in her life, whatever she went on to do, she would have learned (again? I don't know) that she can control the situation and get out clean.
It may be said that all this was not the most legally wise decision, but our considerations weren't based on that kind of calculation.
Anyway, this was never going to be a simple and straightforward prosecution that anyone could get through with dignity intact. Taking all this out of the public eye doesn't make Jack not what the courts or media would be likely to see as a "polygamist", it doesn't make us all not trans, it doesn't make Jack and I not in a D/s relationship, it doesn't mean I wasn't sleeping on the floor with a collar around my neck like a pet while he was in bed with her, and it doesn't meant that any or all of these facts wouldn't be made a part of her defense.
Bottom line: don't give me an appeal to anyone's "right to privacy" as part of saying that Jack or I need to have our entire personal lives picked apart and entered into the public freaking record (along with Caoimhe's) to satisfy the minimum requirements for speaking out.
It may also be said that it's not healthy or healing for Jack to engage in "internet drama" before even seeking any kind of professional help... but what do you say to that if I tell you that before this Jack didn't see the point in seeking help, he didn't feel capable of talking about it?
Still, even though the initial actions were ones of emotion this is not a revenge scheme.
We spent the better part of a year wanting to see the best in Caoimhe, wanting the best for her. You don't... well, I shouldn't generalize because other people in similar situations will have their own feelings... but neither of us have it within us to spend all that time wishing someone well and wanting to see them grow into a better and stronger person and then turn around and want to burn their life to the ground and salt the earth.
We just don't.
A wise commenter who preferred to remain screened said something to the effect that prosecution should be the last resort when other remedies (within the bounds of law, obviously) have failed. Prosecution might help accomplish our goals, but even if it does it's likely to have a lot of consequences for both sides that no one wants.
Comment screening is on. Please note specifically if you give permission to have your comment unscreened.