Something else I've figured out.
May. 16th, 2011 01:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexandraerinIn real life, few emotional problems actually boil down to anything so simple as a single cause, much less anything that can be summed up in a single sentence. But I think a lot of my more disproportionate responses to criticism comes from things that, if human beings were perfectly rational creatures (or to be more specific, if I were a perfectly rational creature), would make me care less.
First... if I think the criticism is groundless or misses the mark, it ticks me off because it feels unjustified, and thus, unjust. This is very much rooted in a middle-class white kid's definition of injustice (where unfair is somebody else getting the last green popsicle... this is sometimes called a "first world problem", but using that label would ignore the fact that in the first world there are a lot of people who have to deal with actual injustice. Heck, I have to deal with actual injustice, but not at a level that's stopped me from worrying about popsicle flavors) and it ties into "Wrong On The Internet" syndrome. It's the worst kind of Wrong On The Internet... it's somebody being Wrong On The Internet about me.
And of course, my ire gets compounded when somebody comes along and repeats the canard that if criticism stings there must be something to it.
Obviously if I were perfectly rationale, then that canard would be true... except I wouldn't be bothered by on-target criticism if I were rational. I would just be affected by it, while more-or-less ignoring off-target criticism.
But I'm not perfectly rational, so reading criticism that I think misses its mark or misses the point still has the power to ruin my day. Or I have the power to use it to ruin my own day. I don't know.
Second, the more the majority of reader comments are enthusiastically positive, the more I seem to be bothered by the few complaints. Anybody reading this or observing that might be inclined to first think that it's fly-in-the-ointment syndrome, or that I want/demand universal adulation or something... but like "If it bothers you it must be right", that's too simplistic and off the mark.
I keep finding myself wanting to tell the people who aren't happy with the latest chapters that they're far out-numbered by the people who do like them and that I can't make everyone happy with every chapter. And here's where we come to a truism that actually is true: they aren't the ones I'm trying to convince. I am.
I'm being defense, but it's not because I see their criticism of me as something I need to defend myself against. I'm defending... for lack of a better word... my record. I'm defending my failure to have entertained this one person this one time, and by extension every person I've failed to defend every time.
And of course, if I were perfectly rational, then "I can't please everybody all the time." would be a freeing sentence. Instead it manages to ring in my head as both an admission of failure and my only defense against that failure, which leads to the most vicious of vicious cycles. I actually sit down to respond to comments saying words to the effect of, "Sorry you didn't like this one, but I don't expect everyone to like every chapter. Hopefully there will be some ones more up your alley soon enough!" but then I find myself getting more and more worked up as I go.
Sometimes, of course, I do manage to say just what I mean to and walk away feeling good.
In case it's not clear to anyone, the purpose of a post like this is not to go "OHHHHH MY GOSH THE COMMENTERS ARE SO STUPID AND ANNOYING" or to complain about having to deal with them. Because I don't have to deal with them. If nothing else I could just turn comments off again. Rather, I'm working through how I deal with them, so that I can deal with them better in the future.
First... if I think the criticism is groundless or misses the mark, it ticks me off because it feels unjustified, and thus, unjust. This is very much rooted in a middle-class white kid's definition of injustice (where unfair is somebody else getting the last green popsicle... this is sometimes called a "first world problem", but using that label would ignore the fact that in the first world there are a lot of people who have to deal with actual injustice. Heck, I have to deal with actual injustice, but not at a level that's stopped me from worrying about popsicle flavors) and it ties into "Wrong On The Internet" syndrome. It's the worst kind of Wrong On The Internet... it's somebody being Wrong On The Internet about me.
And of course, my ire gets compounded when somebody comes along and repeats the canard that if criticism stings there must be something to it.
Obviously if I were perfectly rationale, then that canard would be true... except I wouldn't be bothered by on-target criticism if I were rational. I would just be affected by it, while more-or-less ignoring off-target criticism.
But I'm not perfectly rational, so reading criticism that I think misses its mark or misses the point still has the power to ruin my day. Or I have the power to use it to ruin my own day. I don't know.
Second, the more the majority of reader comments are enthusiastically positive, the more I seem to be bothered by the few complaints. Anybody reading this or observing that might be inclined to first think that it's fly-in-the-ointment syndrome, or that I want/demand universal adulation or something... but like "If it bothers you it must be right", that's too simplistic and off the mark.
I keep finding myself wanting to tell the people who aren't happy with the latest chapters that they're far out-numbered by the people who do like them and that I can't make everyone happy with every chapter. And here's where we come to a truism that actually is true: they aren't the ones I'm trying to convince. I am.
I'm being defense, but it's not because I see their criticism of me as something I need to defend myself against. I'm defending... for lack of a better word... my record. I'm defending my failure to have entertained this one person this one time, and by extension every person I've failed to defend every time.
And of course, if I were perfectly rational, then "I can't please everybody all the time." would be a freeing sentence. Instead it manages to ring in my head as both an admission of failure and my only defense against that failure, which leads to the most vicious of vicious cycles. I actually sit down to respond to comments saying words to the effect of, "Sorry you didn't like this one, but I don't expect everyone to like every chapter. Hopefully there will be some ones more up your alley soon enough!" but then I find myself getting more and more worked up as I go.
Sometimes, of course, I do manage to say just what I mean to and walk away feeling good.
In case it's not clear to anyone, the purpose of a post like this is not to go "OHHHHH MY GOSH THE COMMENTERS ARE SO STUPID AND ANNOYING" or to complain about having to deal with them. Because I don't have to deal with them. If nothing else I could just turn comments off again. Rather, I'm working through how I deal with them, so that I can deal with them better in the future.