A note about motives and agendas.
Jul. 26th, 2011 04:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexandraerinI realize the circumstances in which Jack came forward against his attacker... and more particularly the manner in which I first came forward to support him... is contentious and can put a lot of people in various overlapping communities in an uncomfortable place.
For that, I am sorry. I am really, truly sorry to anyone who feels trapped in the middle. If it seems like we didn't think our plan through, it's because there was no plan... there was Jack's reaction, there was her initial response, and then there was my decision to support him 100% in whatever he chose to do.
That I am separated from him by a thousand miles and mainly able to offer support in the form of typing really really fast when I am angry is something I feel very acutely.
I have considered taking down my post and replacing it with something more measured, but... I haven't said anything that isn't true, and that I wouldn't be prepared to defend. I don't want it being said now that I'm backing away from anything, or that I put that post up to try to disrupt her project, or to try to extort something from her, or achieve some goal other than to share that truth.
The decision to report the actions in question as a crime or not is ultimately Jack's, and I will support him in whatever decision he makes. His attacker can act like a lack of charges is some sort of grievance against her, but if what we have said really were untrue and intended to harm, then she would have remedies available to her that wouldn't depend on Jack having to take a step that she had already confirmed he wasn't (at that point) willing to do.
The system works far better for those who have survived defamation than it does for survivors of rape and sexual assault, but it will not work for her because the defense of defamation is that one is telling the truth and a reluctance to go through the process of trying to bring rape charges through to successful conviction is not the same thing as an unwillingness or inability to bring testimony as to the truth of our claims if pressed to the point.
It's Jack's decision to report or not. Even if he does report, that still doesn't guarantee charges, and charges won't guarantee a conviction, or that the conviction would be for a crime called rape.
In the end, the only convictions you can count on in this world are your own. To the people reading this and not knowing who to believe or what to do about it, I only ask you to follow your convictions. Trust your instincts.
And if those lead you to stand with and offer support to someone who may be an old friend or trusted ally... know that you're not our enemy, and we're not going to be stalking or harassing you to get at someone, so please leave us in peace. You don't have to wish us well. Just do us no ill.
And if they do lead you to stand with her... please don't forget our words. If you don't believe, at least don't bury them completely in the back of your head. Because what I saw fits into a pattern of behavior that I didn't want to see the extent of until it was too late and I had to.
In all charity: it is possible that what happened to Jack was the absolute worst and strongest example of this pattern, and that it was a complete aberration that had never happened before and will never happen again.
It's my hope that this is true. But it's also possible that what she did was just... part of the pattern. It's possible Jack was not the first. It's possible he won't be the last.
We started this with no agenda, and if we have one now, it's that. Just that: let him be the last one. Let this be the last time.
Note: Comment screening is on. Comments will be unscreened only with permission/by request of the commenter.
Update: Please read this further clarification.
For that, I am sorry. I am really, truly sorry to anyone who feels trapped in the middle. If it seems like we didn't think our plan through, it's because there was no plan... there was Jack's reaction, there was her initial response, and then there was my decision to support him 100% in whatever he chose to do.
That I am separated from him by a thousand miles and mainly able to offer support in the form of typing really really fast when I am angry is something I feel very acutely.
I have considered taking down my post and replacing it with something more measured, but... I haven't said anything that isn't true, and that I wouldn't be prepared to defend. I don't want it being said now that I'm backing away from anything, or that I put that post up to try to disrupt her project, or to try to extort something from her, or achieve some goal other than to share that truth.
The decision to report the actions in question as a crime or not is ultimately Jack's, and I will support him in whatever decision he makes. His attacker can act like a lack of charges is some sort of grievance against her, but if what we have said really were untrue and intended to harm, then she would have remedies available to her that wouldn't depend on Jack having to take a step that she had already confirmed he wasn't (at that point) willing to do.
The system works far better for those who have survived defamation than it does for survivors of rape and sexual assault, but it will not work for her because the defense of defamation is that one is telling the truth and a reluctance to go through the process of trying to bring rape charges through to successful conviction is not the same thing as an unwillingness or inability to bring testimony as to the truth of our claims if pressed to the point.
It's Jack's decision to report or not. Even if he does report, that still doesn't guarantee charges, and charges won't guarantee a conviction, or that the conviction would be for a crime called rape.
In the end, the only convictions you can count on in this world are your own. To the people reading this and not knowing who to believe or what to do about it, I only ask you to follow your convictions. Trust your instincts.
And if those lead you to stand with and offer support to someone who may be an old friend or trusted ally... know that you're not our enemy, and we're not going to be stalking or harassing you to get at someone, so please leave us in peace. You don't have to wish us well. Just do us no ill.
And if they do lead you to stand with her... please don't forget our words. If you don't believe, at least don't bury them completely in the back of your head. Because what I saw fits into a pattern of behavior that I didn't want to see the extent of until it was too late and I had to.
In all charity: it is possible that what happened to Jack was the absolute worst and strongest example of this pattern, and that it was a complete aberration that had never happened before and will never happen again.
It's my hope that this is true. But it's also possible that what she did was just... part of the pattern. It's possible Jack was not the first. It's possible he won't be the last.
We started this with no agenda, and if we have one now, it's that. Just that: let him be the last one. Let this be the last time.
Note: Comment screening is on. Comments will be unscreened only with permission/by request of the commenter.
Update: Please read this further clarification.