Under Construction: TOMU 2-32
Sep. 16th, 2011 03:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexandraerin9/15/2011
4:30-5:00 ~500 words
5:00-5:30 ~950 words (+450)
9/16/2011
3:00-3:30 ~1450 words (+500)
3:30-4:00 ~1850 words (+400)
6:00-6:30 ~2300 words (+450)
6:30-7:30 ~3450 words (+1150) - one hour
[3.5 hours. I think the end conversation, which needs recontexting anyway, will be moved to a later chapter]
Amaranth asked if I had anything new about Twyla at dinner, so I told her what had happened. To my surprise, she didn't say much, just bit at her lip and looked thoughtful. I wondered if I was in trouble with her, especially when after we left the Arch she told the others that we'd be going back to our room in Gilcrease.
"Please excuse me, I need to have some words with my toy," she said to Ian.
"Remember what we talked about," he said.
"I will," she said.
I wasn't worried as she led me back at a fairly brisk pace. That one word "toy" and a very owning glance over the top of her glasses had been enough to put me into submissive space. It was a very calming thing to be taken in hand by the woman who so lovingly owned me. More than that, I couldn't feel like I had anything to worry about from her. Outside this dynamic, I might be concerned about how Amaranth might take something or fear I would disappoint her. Within it, I was just hers, and it didn't matter how she reacted... however she took me, I was hers to take.
That's not to say that if I did disappoint her while in submissive mode, I wouldn't feel it acutely... it just wasn't something to be worried about unless it happened.
She said nothing the whole way back, or during the ride up in the lift, so I said nothing. When we got to our room, she stopped outside the door, put her hands on my hips, and turned me around so I was facing away from the door.
"Stay," she said.
I stayed.
Behind me, the door opened and then closed. I could hear her moving things around. She hummed to herself, a habit that she'd picked up from Two but that she'd improved by adding melodies. This one was something folksy and rural, probably about something growing or rolling or rowing, or about someone who's gone off to war never to return. I doubted that the nymph-communing farmers who ran the Paradise Valley co-op/commune had ever marched off to war, but folk songs had a way of sticking around.
Eventually the door opened again... I couldn't say how long, but it wasn't long enough for Amaranth to get tired of humming the same tune or me to get tired of hearing her. It was almost but not quite long enough for me to forget where I was, mentally, and turn around at the sound.
I didn't, though. I stood perfectly still, even as I felt Amaranth approaching behind me... at first in that not-quite-tangible sense of presence you get when someone's looming up behind you, and then in a more literal sense as her bare breasts brushed against my back. She reached up around and over my head with both hands, and a strip of dark material slipped down in front of my eyes. I had just a moment of thinking that maybe she'd decided to let me try wearing her collar already before I realized it was a blindfold.
"Close your eyes, baby," she said, and I did.
She pulled the black satin strip over my eyes and knotted the ends behind my head. As soon as she let go of it, it tightened against my skin, conforming my facial contours like it had been sculpted for them. I could no longer open my eyes.
"Caron still gives me a discount," Amaranth said, speaking of the merchant of fetishwear and body mods who'd tried to snare me into slavery the year before, until we found out she's in love with a kobold... a pairing that might raise eyebrows among the races that have any to raise, but that was downright verboten among the dwarves. "I told her it's not necessary, but she insisted. I think she still feels bad about what happened."
Even in my sub state, I almost couldn't help pointing out the difference between "what happened" and "what she did", but I let it pass. Amaranth pulled me into the room. I could smell something floral, and maybe kind of vanilla-y.
"Walk slowly," she said, and I did. "There are candles," she added, and I froze. Lit candles were way against the rules. "They're illusionary! But they're long tapers and I don't want them getting knocked over."
She led me... I wasn't sure where. Possibly towards the desk, but maybe towards the bed. Or maybe just the center of the room. Offhand, I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever been in the room in darkness so complete that I couldn't see anything. There was nothing like having my sight cut off completely to hammer in just how bad a sense of the space around me I had.
"I had planned on doing something like this on Friday night, but Ian and I talked and he'd rather have you then," she said, her breath warm and close on my ear. She nuzzled the side of my head with her nose, her chest rubbing against my upper arm.
She began to undress me, slowly. It required my cooperation, which required her guidance since I coudln't see. She could have simply whisked my clothes away... she'd done that often enough... but this was a lot more tactile. I could feel her hands on my clothing and my skin, smell her scent in the spaces she'd just occupied. It was arousing and disorienting. I had no bearings to begin with, but I turned around so many times that I completely lost my sense of forwards and backwards. If there hadn't been a floor under my feet, I would've had no sense of up or down.
There were no restraints except the blindfold, but Amaranth had managed to make me feel completely bound up all the same. I was completely helpless, and my only sense of presence was Her, the warmth of her skin and the golden glow of her scent.
Then she put my hands behind my back, and wrapped something around my wrists. It felt like the same type of ribbon as the blindfold, though it was clearly quite a bit longer as she was able to thread it back and forth between my arms multiple times.
I could tell when she tied it off in a bow up near my shoulder blades, because the whole length of it hardened in an instant.
"There," she said. "When I showed this particular accessory to Steff, she tried it out by trussing me up like a turkey, but of course I don't eat meat so instead I've laced you up just like a corset. Though I do need to get Two to show me how to make a nicer ribbon." She put a hand on my butt, not patting so much as resting it. "Oh, when you blush, you do blush all over... but don't worry, I wasn't going to have her show me on you."
She giggled. I loved the sound of her laughter. Having it be almost her whole sensory presence heightened the effect, sending warm shivers down my spine. I wriggled and writhed, and the bonding scarf around my arms seemed to briefly squeeze in response.
"I thought about getting a gag, but it seemed like it was unnecessary," Amaranth said. Her fingers that had been cupping my ass drifted down and towards the middle. She wiggled them as they lost contact with my skin, so the tips of her fingernails just barely tickled the spot where front met back. "My toy speaks when I want her to speak and doesn't when I don't. Isn't that right, clever little toy?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"I want to talk to you about Twyla," she said, touching my elbow and leading me... somewhere else. "I'm glad you kept your patience and your temper with her, and that you tried to figure out where things went wrong with her. You don't have classes with her again until Tuesday, do you?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "It's just that one class."
She positioned me in front of what felt like the foot of the bed, facing it.
"That's good," she said. "There's no reason you'd have to run into her for the next four days. Don't go seeking her out before then."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, it could be a good idea for you to go speak with Professor Bohd," Amaranth said. "Now more than ever... if there was some kind of misunderstanding and blow-up between the two of them and your name came up, it could damage your relationship with her. But... that is your relationship, and so I'll leave it up to you, but I expect you to at least consider it."
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
She pushed me forward a bit, holding on to my waist to make it clear that I was meant to bend. I braced myself, even as I felt the growing warm, wet tingle of anticipation spreading within me.
"This is not going to be a spanking," Amaranth said, gently caressing my backside with the back of her hand. The bed shifted as she sat down beside me. The mattress was firm enough that I didn't sink in towards her. She gave a stinging slap to one side of my ass. "At least, not primarily... I know you still associate spankings with punishment, and I know you're feeling conflicted and uncertain. Tonight I want you to feel nothing but love."
She paused, and then gave another sharp slap.
"Though, now that I have you in this position it's sort of hard to resist," she said, and giggled. I didn't mind a spanking one bit... I did still have an association in my mind between them and punishment, though I'd learned to take them for pure pleasure... but even if it had been nothing but pain and punishment, it would have been worth it for her laughter.
"Maybe that's for the best," she said. She put her hand on the back of my thigh, rubbing it. "The other things I have in mind... well, you've always been at least a little conflicted when it comes to your own pleasure. My generous toy, always better at giving than receiving... though you've come miles when it comes to giving."
It was true. When she'd met me, I'd only been able to function sexually on instinct... not looking at where my hand was going, not thinking about what it was doing. Over time, the barriers that kept me looking away and stopped me from even acknowledging what was happening had fallen away.
At least, some of them had.
"Maybe tonight's not the night for expanding boundaries," Amaranth said. "At least, not past sensory deprivation."
She got up off the bed.
"Would you like it soft or hard, baby?" she asked.
I wanted to answer her right away... as she'd said, I spoke when she wanted me to and not when she didn't... but I found I didn't have an answer to give. At least not one that she'd offered.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"I want to be yours, ma'am," I said. "I want you to do with me as you please."
"Very well, baby."
It was hard. It started out slow, but it was hard from the beginning.
She used the studded leather paddle we'd procured together during our freshman year. Though she carried no weapons, she wielded it like one, using all the muscular force her soft, curvy frame could bring to bear on my invulnerable rear. Each time the paddle slammed down on my ass, I gasped and jerked.
The real pain always came a moment after, when the paddle pulled away from my skin. It wasn't that it didn't hurt before then. It did. It hurt enough to take my breath away, too much for me to actually feel it all at once. It took a moment for me to take it all in... and when I did, that's when it really hurt.
She kept it hard and slow and steady, not building towards anything. It was like she was practicing her stroke.
"I wish I could bruise you," she said after a while. "Selectively, I mean. There are times when it's handy not to have to leave a mark... with most partners, I could heal them. But I'd love to be able to leave my mark on your cute little rear. I'd like to see how long I could make it last, know that every time you squirm when you sit it's because the seat's poking a bruise... I know the pain lingers and you squirm plenty after a night like tonight, but a visual aid would be nice sometimes." She laughed again. "I didn't really know I had a sadistic side before. I think it's Steff's influence. Are you ready for the real thing now, baby?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said, and she started. The blows across my exposed and raised backside came faster now, and with each one she built up speed. Now the sharpest pain was when the studs hit, because they were biting down before the tingle of the last blow had even begun to fade. My arousal grew with the pain, and so did my sense of surrender to it. I felt like I was being driven into the mattress... like I would drive worm my way into it to get away if I could. The fact that I couldn't felt less like a consequence of its actual solidity and more of the bonds around my arms. It was the divine Amaranth, not any mere trick of physics, that had anchored me to the spot.
Warm pleasure grew within me
She spoke to me as she worked.
[]
Afterward, when Amaranth had freed my arms and we were cuddling on the bed, I told her about Nicki. It was easier with my eyes bound, somehow. I didn't feel like I had to think about what I was saying, I could just open up and let the words fall out.
I hadn't told her at dinner because I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
I felt the blindfold loosen, though she hadn't seemed to touch it. My first thought was that I had done something to break the spell somehow.
"Oh, that'll be the time limit," Amaranth said. "Thirty minutes. It's a safety thing."
"That was only thirty minutes?" I said. It felt like we might have been entwined in the bed for only that long.
"I'll spend the night ," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[2.5 hours. Going well.]
Amaranth asked if I had anything new about Twyla at dinner, so I told her what had happened. To my surprise, she didn't say much, just bit at her lip and looked thoughtful. I wondered if I was in trouble with her, especially when after we left the Arch she told the others that we'd be going back to our room in Gilcrease.
"Please excuse me, I need to have some words with my toy," she said to Ian.
"Remember what we talked about," he said.
"I will," she said.
I wasn't worried as she led me back at a fairly brisk pace. That one word "toy" and a very owning glance over the top of her glasses had been enough to put me into submissive space. It was a very calming thing to be taken in hand by the woman who so lovingly owned me. More than that, I couldn't feel like I had anything to worry about from her. Outside this dynamic, I might be concerned about how Amaranth might take something or fear I would disappoint her. Within it, I was just hers, and it didn't matter how she reacted... however she took me, I was hers to take.
That's not to say that if I did disappoint her while in submissive mode, I wouldn't feel it acutely... it just wasn't something to be worried about unless it happened.
She said nothing the whole way back, or during the ride up in the lift, so I said nothing. When we got to our room, she stopped outside the door, put her hands on my hips, and turned me around so I was facing away from the door.
"Stay," she said.
I stayed.
Behind me, the door opened and then closed. I could hear her moving things around. She hummed to herself, a habit that she'd picked up from Two but that she'd improved by adding melodies. This one was something folksy and rural, probably about something growing or rolling or rowing, or about someone who's gone off to war never to return. I doubted that the nymph-communing farmers who ran the Paradise Valley co-op/commune had ever marched off to war, but folk songs had a way of sticking around.
Eventually the door opened again... I couldn't say how long, but it wasn't long enough for Amaranth to get tired of humming the same tune or me to get tired of hearing her. It was almost but not quite long enough for me to forget where I was, mentally, and turn around at the sound.
I didn't, though. I stood perfectly still, even as I felt Amaranth approaching behind me... at first in that not-quite-tangible sense of presence you get when someone's looming up behind you, and then in a more literal sense as her bare breasts brushed against my back. She reached up around and over my head with both hands, and a strip of dark material slipped down in front of my eyes. I had just a moment of thinking that maybe she'd decided to let me try wearing her collar already before I realized it was a blindfold.
"Close your eyes, baby," she said, and I did.
She pulled the black satin strip over my eyes and knotted the ends behind my head. As soon as she let go of it, it tightened against my skin, conforming my facial contours like it had been sculpted for them. I could no longer open my eyes.
"Caron still gives me a discount," Amaranth said, speaking of the merchant of fetishwear and body mods who'd tried to snare me into slavery the year before, until we found out she's in love with a kobold... a pairing that might raise eyebrows among the races that have any to raise, but that was downright verboten among the dwarves. "I told her it's not necessary, but she insisted. I think she still feels bad about what happened."
Even in my sub state, I almost couldn't help pointing out the difference between "what happened" and "what she did", but I let it pass. Amaranth pulled me into the room. I could smell something floral, and maybe kind of vanilla-y.
"Walk slowly," she said, and I did. "There are candles," she added, and I froze. Lit candles were way against the rules. "They're illusionary! But they're long tapers and I don't want them getting knocked over."
She led me... I wasn't sure where. Possibly towards the desk, but maybe towards the bed. Or maybe just the center of the room. There was nothing like having my sight cut off completely to hammer in just how bad a sense of the space around me I had.
"I had planned on doing something like this on Friday night, but Ian and I talked and he'd rather have you then," she said, her breath warm and close on my ear. She nuzzled the side of my head with her nose, her chest rubbing against my upper arm.
She began to undress me, slowly. It required my cooperation, which required her guidance since I coudln't see. She could have simply whisked my clothes away... she'd done that often enough... but this was a lot more tactile. I could feel her hands on my clothing and my skin, smell her scent in the spaces she'd just occupied. It was arousing and disorienting. I had no bearings to begin with, but I turned around so many times that I completely lost my sense of forwards and backwards. If there hadn't been a floor under my feet, I would've had no sense of up or down.
There were no restraints except the blindfold, but Amaranth had managed to make me feel completely bound up all the same. I was completely helpless, and my only sense of presence was Her, the warmth of her skin and the golden glow of her scent.
Then she put my hands behind my back, and wrapped something around my wrists. It felt like the same type of ribbon as the blindfold, though it was clearly quite a bit longer as she was able to thread it back and forth between my arms multiple times.
I could tell when she tied it off in a bow up near my shoulder blades, because the whole length of it hardened in an instant.
"There," she said. "When I showed this particular accessory to Steff, she tried it out by trussing me up like a turkey, but of course I don't eat meat so instead I've laced you up just like a corset. Though I do need to get Two to show me how to make a nicer ribbon." She put a hand on my butt, not patting so much as resting it. "Oh, when you blush, you do blush all over... but don't worry, I wasn't going to have her show me on you."
[]
"I'm glad you kept your patience and your temper with Twyla, and that you tried to figure out where things went wrong with her. You don't have classes with her again until Tuesday, do you?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "It's just that one class."
"That's good," she said. "There's no reason you'd have to run into her for the next four days. Don't go seeking her out before then."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, it could be a good idea for you to go speak with Professor Bohd," Amaranth said. "Now more than ever... if there was some kind of misunderstanding and blow-up between the two of them and your name came up, it could damage your relationship with her. But... that is your relationship, and so I'll leave it up to you, but I expect you to at least consider it."
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
[]
I waited until after dinner to tell Amaranth about Nicki, when we were alone in our room and cuddling on the bed. I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
Her slip into authoritarian mode made me wonder if she wanted to play, but she gently but firmly pushed me away and then sat up.
"I should get going," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[Two hours in. I think the earliest parts of this chapter I wrote are going to need some rewriting, but it's going well.]
Amaranth asked if I had anything new about Twyla at dinner, so I told her what had happened. To my surprise, she didn't say much, just bit at her lip and looked thoughtful. I wondered if I was in trouble with her, especially when after we left the Arch she told the others that we'd be going back to our room in Gilcrease.
"You can stop by later," she said to Ian. "I need to have some words with my toy."
I wasn't worried as she led me back at a fairly brisk pace. That one word "toy" and a very owning glance over the top of her glasses had been enough to put me into submissive space. It was a very calming thing to be taken in hand by the woman who so lovingly owned me. More than that, I couldn't feel like I had anything to worry about from her. Outside this dynamic, I might be concerned about how Amaranth might take something or fear I would disappoint her. Within it, I was just hers, and it didn't matter how she reacted... however she took me, I was hers to take.
That's not to say that if I did disappoint her while in submissive mode, I wouldn't feel it acutely... it just wasn't something to be worried about unless it happened.
She said nothing the whole way back, or during the ride up in the lift, so I said nothing. When we got to our room, she stopped outside the door, put her hands on my hips, and turned me around so I was facing away from the door.
"Stay," she said.
I stayed.
Behind me, the door opened and then closed. I could hear her moving things around. She hummed to herself, a habit that she'd picked up from Two but that she'd improved by adding melodies. This one was something folksy and rural, probably about something growing or rolling or rowing, or about someone who's gone off to war never to return. I doubted that the nymph-communing farmers who ran the Paradise Valley co-op/commune had ever marched off to war, but folk songs had a way of sticking around.
Eventually the door opened again... I couldn't say how long, but it wasn't long enough for Amaranth to get tired of humming the same tune or me to get tired of hearing her. It was almost but not quite long enough for me to forget where I was, mentally, and turn around at the sound.
I didn't, though. I stood perfectly still, even as I felt Amaranth approaching behind me... at first in that not-quite-tangible sense of presence you get when someone's looming up behind you, and then in a more literal sense as her bare breasts brushed against my back. She reached up around and over my head with both hands, and a strip of dark material slipped down in front of my eyes. I had just a moment of thinking that maybe she'd decided to let me try wearing her collar already before I realized it was a blindfold.
"Close your eyes, baby," she said, and I did.
She pulled the black satin strip over my eyes and knotted the ends behind my head. As soon as she let go of it, it tightened against my skin, conforming my facial contours like it had been sculpted for them. I could no longer open my eyes.
"Caron still gives me a discount," Amaranth said, speaking of the merchant of fetishwear and body mods who'd tried to snare me into slavery the year before, until we found out she's in love with a kobold... a pairing that might raise eyebrows among the races that have any to raise, but that was downright verboten among the dwarves. "I told her it's not necessary, but she insisted. I think she still feels bad about what happened."
Even in my sub state, I almost couldn't help pointing out the difference between "what happened" and "what she did", but I let it pass.
[]
"I'm glad you kept your patience and your temper with Twyla, and that you tried to figure out where things went wrong with her. You don't have classes with her again until Tuesday, do you?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "It's just that one class."
"That's good," she said. "There's no reason you'd have to run into her for the next four days. Don't go seeking her out before then."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, it could be a good idea for you to go speak with Professor Bohd," Amaranth said. "Now more than ever... if there was some kind of misunderstanding and blow-up between the two of them and your name came up, it could damage your relationship with her. But... that is your relationship, and so I'll leave it up to you, but I expect you to at least consider it."
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
[]
I waited until after dinner to tell Amaranth about Nicki, when we were alone in our room and cuddling on the bed. I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
Her slip into authoritarian mode made me wonder if she wanted to play, but she gently but firmly pushed me away and then sat up.
"I should get going," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[One and a half hour in. The focus of this chapter seems to be shifting. Originally it was going to be an intimate interlude with Ian and Mackenzie, but it seems like Amaranth wants her turn. That's okay, I think Ian and Mackenzie have had some nice development. Time to show Amaranth/Mackenzie's growth. This also helps me advance "the plot" a little bit more.]
Amaranth asked if I had anything new about Twyla at dinner, so I told her what had happened. To my surprise, she didn't say much, just bit at her lip and looked thoughtful. I wondered if I was in trouble with her, especially when after we left the Arch she told the others that we'd be going back to our room in Gilcrease.
"You can stop by later," she said to Ian. "I need to have some words with my toy."
I wasn't worried as she led me back at a fairly brisk pace. That one word "toy" and a very owning glance over the top of her glasses had been enough to put me into submissive space. It was a very calming thing to be taken in hand by the woman who so lovingly owned me. More than that, I couldn't feel like I had anything to worry about from her. Outside this dynamic, I might be concerned about how Amaranth might take something or fear I would disappoint her. Within it, I was just hers, and it didn't matter how she reacted... however she took me, I was hers to take.
That's not to say that if I did disappoint her while in submissive mode, I wouldn't feel it acutely... it just wasn't something to be worried about unless it happened.
She said nothing the whole way back, or during the ride up in the lift, so I said nothing. When we got to our room, she stopped outside the door, put her hands on my hips, and turned me around so I was facing away from the door.
"Stay," she said.
I stayed.
Behind me, the door opened and then closed. I could hear her moving things around. She hummed to herself, a habit that she'd picked up from Two but that she'd improved by adding melodies.
[]
"I'm glad you kept your patience and your temper with Twyla, and that you tried to figure out where things went wrong with her. You don't have classes with her again until Tuesday, do you?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "It's just that one class."
"That's good," she said. "There's no reason you'd have to run into her for the next four days. Don't go seeking her out before then."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, it could be a good idea for you to go speak with Professor Bohd," Amaranth said. "Now more than ever... if there was some kind of misunderstanding and blow-up between the two of them and your name came up, it could damage your relationship with her. But... that is your relationship, and so I'll leave it up to you, but I expect you to at least consider it."
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
[]
I waited until after dinner to tell Amaranth about Nicki, when we were alone in our room and cuddling on the bed. I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
Her slip into authoritarian mode made me wonder if she wanted to play, but she gently but firmly pushed me away and then sat up.
"I should get going," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[One hour in. Okay, I think I'm finding this chapter's groove. I want to add more physical characterization between Amaranth and Mackenzie, too.]
I waited until after dinner to tell Amaranth about Nicki, when we were alone in our room and cuddling on the bed. I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
Her slip into authoritarian mode made me wonder if she wanted to play, but she gently but firmly pushed me away and then sat up.
"I should get going," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[Half hour in. It took me a lot of tries to get this started, mostly because I was trying to put this dialogue between Ian and Mackenzie. Eventually realized that wasn't working, and why, and where it needed to go instead.]
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that Amaranth was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls while Ian stayed in our room, but it still caught me off guard when she said goodbye and kissed me on her way out the door a little bit after dinner.
Amaranth easily read my [], though she seemed unsure of its cause... I suppose she wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"I'm sorry, baby," she said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face.
"Oh, I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becuase I'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred.
4:30-5:00 ~500 words
5:00-5:30 ~950 words (+450)
9/16/2011
3:00-3:30 ~1450 words (+500)
3:30-4:00 ~1850 words (+400)
6:00-6:30 ~2300 words (+450)
6:30-7:30 ~3450 words (+1150) - one hour
[3.5 hours. I think the end conversation, which needs recontexting anyway, will be moved to a later chapter]
Amaranth asked if I had anything new about Twyla at dinner, so I told her what had happened. To my surprise, she didn't say much, just bit at her lip and looked thoughtful. I wondered if I was in trouble with her, especially when after we left the Arch she told the others that we'd be going back to our room in Gilcrease.
"Please excuse me, I need to have some words with my toy," she said to Ian.
"Remember what we talked about," he said.
"I will," she said.
I wasn't worried as she led me back at a fairly brisk pace. That one word "toy" and a very owning glance over the top of her glasses had been enough to put me into submissive space. It was a very calming thing to be taken in hand by the woman who so lovingly owned me. More than that, I couldn't feel like I had anything to worry about from her. Outside this dynamic, I might be concerned about how Amaranth might take something or fear I would disappoint her. Within it, I was just hers, and it didn't matter how she reacted... however she took me, I was hers to take.
That's not to say that if I did disappoint her while in submissive mode, I wouldn't feel it acutely... it just wasn't something to be worried about unless it happened.
She said nothing the whole way back, or during the ride up in the lift, so I said nothing. When we got to our room, she stopped outside the door, put her hands on my hips, and turned me around so I was facing away from the door.
"Stay," she said.
I stayed.
Behind me, the door opened and then closed. I could hear her moving things around. She hummed to herself, a habit that she'd picked up from Two but that she'd improved by adding melodies. This one was something folksy and rural, probably about something growing or rolling or rowing, or about someone who's gone off to war never to return. I doubted that the nymph-communing farmers who ran the Paradise Valley co-op/commune had ever marched off to war, but folk songs had a way of sticking around.
Eventually the door opened again... I couldn't say how long, but it wasn't long enough for Amaranth to get tired of humming the same tune or me to get tired of hearing her. It was almost but not quite long enough for me to forget where I was, mentally, and turn around at the sound.
I didn't, though. I stood perfectly still, even as I felt Amaranth approaching behind me... at first in that not-quite-tangible sense of presence you get when someone's looming up behind you, and then in a more literal sense as her bare breasts brushed against my back. She reached up around and over my head with both hands, and a strip of dark material slipped down in front of my eyes. I had just a moment of thinking that maybe she'd decided to let me try wearing her collar already before I realized it was a blindfold.
"Close your eyes, baby," she said, and I did.
She pulled the black satin strip over my eyes and knotted the ends behind my head. As soon as she let go of it, it tightened against my skin, conforming my facial contours like it had been sculpted for them. I could no longer open my eyes.
"Caron still gives me a discount," Amaranth said, speaking of the merchant of fetishwear and body mods who'd tried to snare me into slavery the year before, until we found out she's in love with a kobold... a pairing that might raise eyebrows among the races that have any to raise, but that was downright verboten among the dwarves. "I told her it's not necessary, but she insisted. I think she still feels bad about what happened."
Even in my sub state, I almost couldn't help pointing out the difference between "what happened" and "what she did", but I let it pass. Amaranth pulled me into the room. I could smell something floral, and maybe kind of vanilla-y.
"Walk slowly," she said, and I did. "There are candles," she added, and I froze. Lit candles were way against the rules. "They're illusionary! But they're long tapers and I don't want them getting knocked over."
She led me... I wasn't sure where. Possibly towards the desk, but maybe towards the bed. Or maybe just the center of the room. Offhand, I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever been in the room in darkness so complete that I couldn't see anything. There was nothing like having my sight cut off completely to hammer in just how bad a sense of the space around me I had.
"I had planned on doing something like this on Friday night, but Ian and I talked and he'd rather have you then," she said, her breath warm and close on my ear. She nuzzled the side of my head with her nose, her chest rubbing against my upper arm.
She began to undress me, slowly. It required my cooperation, which required her guidance since I coudln't see. She could have simply whisked my clothes away... she'd done that often enough... but this was a lot more tactile. I could feel her hands on my clothing and my skin, smell her scent in the spaces she'd just occupied. It was arousing and disorienting. I had no bearings to begin with, but I turned around so many times that I completely lost my sense of forwards and backwards. If there hadn't been a floor under my feet, I would've had no sense of up or down.
There were no restraints except the blindfold, but Amaranth had managed to make me feel completely bound up all the same. I was completely helpless, and my only sense of presence was Her, the warmth of her skin and the golden glow of her scent.
Then she put my hands behind my back, and wrapped something around my wrists. It felt like the same type of ribbon as the blindfold, though it was clearly quite a bit longer as she was able to thread it back and forth between my arms multiple times.
I could tell when she tied it off in a bow up near my shoulder blades, because the whole length of it hardened in an instant.
"There," she said. "When I showed this particular accessory to Steff, she tried it out by trussing me up like a turkey, but of course I don't eat meat so instead I've laced you up just like a corset. Though I do need to get Two to show me how to make a nicer ribbon." She put a hand on my butt, not patting so much as resting it. "Oh, when you blush, you do blush all over... but don't worry, I wasn't going to have her show me on you."
She giggled. I loved the sound of her laughter. Having it be almost her whole sensory presence heightened the effect, sending warm shivers down my spine. I wriggled and writhed, and the bonding scarf around my arms seemed to briefly squeeze in response.
"I thought about getting a gag, but it seemed like it was unnecessary," Amaranth said. Her fingers that had been cupping my ass drifted down and towards the middle. She wiggled them as they lost contact with my skin, so the tips of her fingernails just barely tickled the spot where front met back. "My toy speaks when I want her to speak and doesn't when I don't. Isn't that right, clever little toy?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"I want to talk to you about Twyla," she said, touching my elbow and leading me... somewhere else. "I'm glad you kept your patience and your temper with her, and that you tried to figure out where things went wrong with her. You don't have classes with her again until Tuesday, do you?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "It's just that one class."
She positioned me in front of what felt like the foot of the bed, facing it.
"That's good," she said. "There's no reason you'd have to run into her for the next four days. Don't go seeking her out before then."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, it could be a good idea for you to go speak with Professor Bohd," Amaranth said. "Now more than ever... if there was some kind of misunderstanding and blow-up between the two of them and your name came up, it could damage your relationship with her. But... that is your relationship, and so I'll leave it up to you, but I expect you to at least consider it."
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
She pushed me forward a bit, holding on to my waist to make it clear that I was meant to bend. I braced myself, even as I felt the growing warm, wet tingle of anticipation spreading within me.
"This is not going to be a spanking," Amaranth said, gently caressing my backside with the back of her hand. The bed shifted as she sat down beside me. The mattress was firm enough that I didn't sink in towards her. She gave a stinging slap to one side of my ass. "At least, not primarily... I know you still associate spankings with punishment, and I know you're feeling conflicted and uncertain. Tonight I want you to feel nothing but love."
She paused, and then gave another sharp slap.
"Though, now that I have you in this position it's sort of hard to resist," she said, and giggled. I didn't mind a spanking one bit... I did still have an association in my mind between them and punishment, though I'd learned to take them for pure pleasure... but even if it had been nothing but pain and punishment, it would have been worth it for her laughter.
"Maybe that's for the best," she said. She put her hand on the back of my thigh, rubbing it. "The other things I have in mind... well, you've always been at least a little conflicted when it comes to your own pleasure. My generous toy, always better at giving than receiving... though you've come miles when it comes to giving."
It was true. When she'd met me, I'd only been able to function sexually on instinct... not looking at where my hand was going, not thinking about what it was doing. Over time, the barriers that kept me looking away and stopped me from even acknowledging what was happening had fallen away.
At least, some of them had.
"Maybe tonight's not the night for expanding boundaries," Amaranth said. "At least, not past sensory deprivation."
She got up off the bed.
"Would you like it soft or hard, baby?" she asked.
I wanted to answer her right away... as she'd said, I spoke when she wanted me to and not when she didn't... but I found I didn't have an answer to give. At least not one that she'd offered.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"I want to be yours, ma'am," I said. "I want you to do with me as you please."
"Very well, baby."
It was hard. It started out slow, but it was hard from the beginning.
She used the studded leather paddle we'd procured together during our freshman year. Though she carried no weapons, she wielded it like one, using all the muscular force her soft, curvy frame could bring to bear on my invulnerable rear. Each time the paddle slammed down on my ass, I gasped and jerked.
The real pain always came a moment after, when the paddle pulled away from my skin. It wasn't that it didn't hurt before then. It did. It hurt enough to take my breath away, too much for me to actually feel it all at once. It took a moment for me to take it all in... and when I did, that's when it really hurt.
She kept it hard and slow and steady, not building towards anything. It was like she was practicing her stroke.
"I wish I could bruise you," she said after a while. "Selectively, I mean. There are times when it's handy not to have to leave a mark... with most partners, I could heal them. But I'd love to be able to leave my mark on your cute little rear. I'd like to see how long I could make it last, know that every time you squirm when you sit it's because the seat's poking a bruise... I know the pain lingers and you squirm plenty after a night like tonight, but a visual aid would be nice sometimes." She laughed again. "I didn't really know I had a sadistic side before. I think it's Steff's influence. Are you ready for the real thing now, baby?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said, and she started. The blows across my exposed and raised backside came faster now, and with each one she built up speed. Now the sharpest pain was when the studs hit, because they were biting down before the tingle of the last blow had even begun to fade. My arousal grew with the pain, and so did my sense of surrender to it. I felt like I was being driven into the mattress... like I would drive worm my way into it to get away if I could. The fact that I couldn't felt less like a consequence of its actual solidity and more of the bonds around my arms. It was the divine Amaranth, not any mere trick of physics, that had anchored me to the spot.
Warm pleasure grew within me
She spoke to me as she worked.
[]
Afterward, when Amaranth had freed my arms and we were cuddling on the bed, I told her about Nicki. It was easier with my eyes bound, somehow. I didn't feel like I had to think about what I was saying, I could just open up and let the words fall out.
I hadn't told her at dinner because I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
I felt the blindfold loosen, though she hadn't seemed to touch it. My first thought was that I had done something to break the spell somehow.
"Oh, that'll be the time limit," Amaranth said. "Thirty minutes. It's a safety thing."
"That was only thirty minutes?" I said. It felt like we might have been entwined in the bed for only that long.
"I'll spend the night ," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[2.5 hours. Going well.]
Amaranth asked if I had anything new about Twyla at dinner, so I told her what had happened. To my surprise, she didn't say much, just bit at her lip and looked thoughtful. I wondered if I was in trouble with her, especially when after we left the Arch she told the others that we'd be going back to our room in Gilcrease.
"Please excuse me, I need to have some words with my toy," she said to Ian.
"Remember what we talked about," he said.
"I will," she said.
I wasn't worried as she led me back at a fairly brisk pace. That one word "toy" and a very owning glance over the top of her glasses had been enough to put me into submissive space. It was a very calming thing to be taken in hand by the woman who so lovingly owned me. More than that, I couldn't feel like I had anything to worry about from her. Outside this dynamic, I might be concerned about how Amaranth might take something or fear I would disappoint her. Within it, I was just hers, and it didn't matter how she reacted... however she took me, I was hers to take.
That's not to say that if I did disappoint her while in submissive mode, I wouldn't feel it acutely... it just wasn't something to be worried about unless it happened.
She said nothing the whole way back, or during the ride up in the lift, so I said nothing. When we got to our room, she stopped outside the door, put her hands on my hips, and turned me around so I was facing away from the door.
"Stay," she said.
I stayed.
Behind me, the door opened and then closed. I could hear her moving things around. She hummed to herself, a habit that she'd picked up from Two but that she'd improved by adding melodies. This one was something folksy and rural, probably about something growing or rolling or rowing, or about someone who's gone off to war never to return. I doubted that the nymph-communing farmers who ran the Paradise Valley co-op/commune had ever marched off to war, but folk songs had a way of sticking around.
Eventually the door opened again... I couldn't say how long, but it wasn't long enough for Amaranth to get tired of humming the same tune or me to get tired of hearing her. It was almost but not quite long enough for me to forget where I was, mentally, and turn around at the sound.
I didn't, though. I stood perfectly still, even as I felt Amaranth approaching behind me... at first in that not-quite-tangible sense of presence you get when someone's looming up behind you, and then in a more literal sense as her bare breasts brushed against my back. She reached up around and over my head with both hands, and a strip of dark material slipped down in front of my eyes. I had just a moment of thinking that maybe she'd decided to let me try wearing her collar already before I realized it was a blindfold.
"Close your eyes, baby," she said, and I did.
She pulled the black satin strip over my eyes and knotted the ends behind my head. As soon as she let go of it, it tightened against my skin, conforming my facial contours like it had been sculpted for them. I could no longer open my eyes.
"Caron still gives me a discount," Amaranth said, speaking of the merchant of fetishwear and body mods who'd tried to snare me into slavery the year before, until we found out she's in love with a kobold... a pairing that might raise eyebrows among the races that have any to raise, but that was downright verboten among the dwarves. "I told her it's not necessary, but she insisted. I think she still feels bad about what happened."
Even in my sub state, I almost couldn't help pointing out the difference between "what happened" and "what she did", but I let it pass. Amaranth pulled me into the room. I could smell something floral, and maybe kind of vanilla-y.
"Walk slowly," she said, and I did. "There are candles," she added, and I froze. Lit candles were way against the rules. "They're illusionary! But they're long tapers and I don't want them getting knocked over."
She led me... I wasn't sure where. Possibly towards the desk, but maybe towards the bed. Or maybe just the center of the room. There was nothing like having my sight cut off completely to hammer in just how bad a sense of the space around me I had.
"I had planned on doing something like this on Friday night, but Ian and I talked and he'd rather have you then," she said, her breath warm and close on my ear. She nuzzled the side of my head with her nose, her chest rubbing against my upper arm.
She began to undress me, slowly. It required my cooperation, which required her guidance since I coudln't see. She could have simply whisked my clothes away... she'd done that often enough... but this was a lot more tactile. I could feel her hands on my clothing and my skin, smell her scent in the spaces she'd just occupied. It was arousing and disorienting. I had no bearings to begin with, but I turned around so many times that I completely lost my sense of forwards and backwards. If there hadn't been a floor under my feet, I would've had no sense of up or down.
There were no restraints except the blindfold, but Amaranth had managed to make me feel completely bound up all the same. I was completely helpless, and my only sense of presence was Her, the warmth of her skin and the golden glow of her scent.
Then she put my hands behind my back, and wrapped something around my wrists. It felt like the same type of ribbon as the blindfold, though it was clearly quite a bit longer as she was able to thread it back and forth between my arms multiple times.
I could tell when she tied it off in a bow up near my shoulder blades, because the whole length of it hardened in an instant.
"There," she said. "When I showed this particular accessory to Steff, she tried it out by trussing me up like a turkey, but of course I don't eat meat so instead I've laced you up just like a corset. Though I do need to get Two to show me how to make a nicer ribbon." She put a hand on my butt, not patting so much as resting it. "Oh, when you blush, you do blush all over... but don't worry, I wasn't going to have her show me on you."
[]
"I'm glad you kept your patience and your temper with Twyla, and that you tried to figure out where things went wrong with her. You don't have classes with her again until Tuesday, do you?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "It's just that one class."
"That's good," she said. "There's no reason you'd have to run into her for the next four days. Don't go seeking her out before then."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, it could be a good idea for you to go speak with Professor Bohd," Amaranth said. "Now more than ever... if there was some kind of misunderstanding and blow-up between the two of them and your name came up, it could damage your relationship with her. But... that is your relationship, and so I'll leave it up to you, but I expect you to at least consider it."
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
[]
I waited until after dinner to tell Amaranth about Nicki, when we were alone in our room and cuddling on the bed. I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
Her slip into authoritarian mode made me wonder if she wanted to play, but she gently but firmly pushed me away and then sat up.
"I should get going," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[Two hours in. I think the earliest parts of this chapter I wrote are going to need some rewriting, but it's going well.]
Amaranth asked if I had anything new about Twyla at dinner, so I told her what had happened. To my surprise, she didn't say much, just bit at her lip and looked thoughtful. I wondered if I was in trouble with her, especially when after we left the Arch she told the others that we'd be going back to our room in Gilcrease.
"You can stop by later," she said to Ian. "I need to have some words with my toy."
I wasn't worried as she led me back at a fairly brisk pace. That one word "toy" and a very owning glance over the top of her glasses had been enough to put me into submissive space. It was a very calming thing to be taken in hand by the woman who so lovingly owned me. More than that, I couldn't feel like I had anything to worry about from her. Outside this dynamic, I might be concerned about how Amaranth might take something or fear I would disappoint her. Within it, I was just hers, and it didn't matter how she reacted... however she took me, I was hers to take.
That's not to say that if I did disappoint her while in submissive mode, I wouldn't feel it acutely... it just wasn't something to be worried about unless it happened.
She said nothing the whole way back, or during the ride up in the lift, so I said nothing. When we got to our room, she stopped outside the door, put her hands on my hips, and turned me around so I was facing away from the door.
"Stay," she said.
I stayed.
Behind me, the door opened and then closed. I could hear her moving things around. She hummed to herself, a habit that she'd picked up from Two but that she'd improved by adding melodies. This one was something folksy and rural, probably about something growing or rolling or rowing, or about someone who's gone off to war never to return. I doubted that the nymph-communing farmers who ran the Paradise Valley co-op/commune had ever marched off to war, but folk songs had a way of sticking around.
Eventually the door opened again... I couldn't say how long, but it wasn't long enough for Amaranth to get tired of humming the same tune or me to get tired of hearing her. It was almost but not quite long enough for me to forget where I was, mentally, and turn around at the sound.
I didn't, though. I stood perfectly still, even as I felt Amaranth approaching behind me... at first in that not-quite-tangible sense of presence you get when someone's looming up behind you, and then in a more literal sense as her bare breasts brushed against my back. She reached up around and over my head with both hands, and a strip of dark material slipped down in front of my eyes. I had just a moment of thinking that maybe she'd decided to let me try wearing her collar already before I realized it was a blindfold.
"Close your eyes, baby," she said, and I did.
She pulled the black satin strip over my eyes and knotted the ends behind my head. As soon as she let go of it, it tightened against my skin, conforming my facial contours like it had been sculpted for them. I could no longer open my eyes.
"Caron still gives me a discount," Amaranth said, speaking of the merchant of fetishwear and body mods who'd tried to snare me into slavery the year before, until we found out she's in love with a kobold... a pairing that might raise eyebrows among the races that have any to raise, but that was downright verboten among the dwarves. "I told her it's not necessary, but she insisted. I think she still feels bad about what happened."
Even in my sub state, I almost couldn't help pointing out the difference between "what happened" and "what she did", but I let it pass.
[]
"I'm glad you kept your patience and your temper with Twyla, and that you tried to figure out where things went wrong with her. You don't have classes with her again until Tuesday, do you?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "It's just that one class."
"That's good," she said. "There's no reason you'd have to run into her for the next four days. Don't go seeking her out before then."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, it could be a good idea for you to go speak with Professor Bohd," Amaranth said. "Now more than ever... if there was some kind of misunderstanding and blow-up between the two of them and your name came up, it could damage your relationship with her. But... that is your relationship, and so I'll leave it up to you, but I expect you to at least consider it."
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
[]
I waited until after dinner to tell Amaranth about Nicki, when we were alone in our room and cuddling on the bed. I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
Her slip into authoritarian mode made me wonder if she wanted to play, but she gently but firmly pushed me away and then sat up.
"I should get going," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[One and a half hour in. The focus of this chapter seems to be shifting. Originally it was going to be an intimate interlude with Ian and Mackenzie, but it seems like Amaranth wants her turn. That's okay, I think Ian and Mackenzie have had some nice development. Time to show Amaranth/Mackenzie's growth. This also helps me advance "the plot" a little bit more.]
Amaranth asked if I had anything new about Twyla at dinner, so I told her what had happened. To my surprise, she didn't say much, just bit at her lip and looked thoughtful. I wondered if I was in trouble with her, especially when after we left the Arch she told the others that we'd be going back to our room in Gilcrease.
"You can stop by later," she said to Ian. "I need to have some words with my toy."
I wasn't worried as she led me back at a fairly brisk pace. That one word "toy" and a very owning glance over the top of her glasses had been enough to put me into submissive space. It was a very calming thing to be taken in hand by the woman who so lovingly owned me. More than that, I couldn't feel like I had anything to worry about from her. Outside this dynamic, I might be concerned about how Amaranth might take something or fear I would disappoint her. Within it, I was just hers, and it didn't matter how she reacted... however she took me, I was hers to take.
That's not to say that if I did disappoint her while in submissive mode, I wouldn't feel it acutely... it just wasn't something to be worried about unless it happened.
She said nothing the whole way back, or during the ride up in the lift, so I said nothing. When we got to our room, she stopped outside the door, put her hands on my hips, and turned me around so I was facing away from the door.
"Stay," she said.
I stayed.
Behind me, the door opened and then closed. I could hear her moving things around. She hummed to herself, a habit that she'd picked up from Two but that she'd improved by adding melodies.
[]
"I'm glad you kept your patience and your temper with Twyla, and that you tried to figure out where things went wrong with her. You don't have classes with her again until Tuesday, do you?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "It's just that one class."
"That's good," she said. "There's no reason you'd have to run into her for the next four days. Don't go seeking her out before then."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Of course, it could be a good idea for you to go speak with Professor Bohd," Amaranth said. "Now more than ever... if there was some kind of misunderstanding and blow-up between the two of them and your name came up, it could damage your relationship with her. But... that is your relationship, and so I'll leave it up to you, but I expect you to at least consider it."
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
[]
I waited until after dinner to tell Amaranth about Nicki, when we were alone in our room and cuddling on the bed. I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
Her slip into authoritarian mode made me wonder if she wanted to play, but she gently but firmly pushed me away and then sat up.
"I should get going," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[One hour in. Okay, I think I'm finding this chapter's groove. I want to add more physical characterization between Amaranth and Mackenzie, too.]
I waited until after dinner to tell Amaranth about Nicki, when we were alone in our room and cuddling on the bed. I didn't really want it to be a whole big public thing in our group, when I didn't know what I was doing or what would happen... Nicki seemed nice enough, but five minutes of conversation isn't always enough to know if you'll get along with someone for any longer than that.
"It's up to you," she said. "Though really, you should try to be as clear in your intentions as you can. It's one thing if someone won't take no for an answer, but another thing if you're trying to skirt around 'no' and leaving them to guess."
"I was trying to be clear," I said. "I think she's the one who was being coy about her intentions. I mean, she said she's not looking for a date but I think that's pretty much exactly what she wants."
"Well, there's one thing," Amaranth said. "If she said she just wants a dance, there's no reason you and I couldn't go together... that way you could give her a dance if you want to, but you'd have..."
"An escape portal?"
"Support," Amaranth said. "And don't interrupt people when they're talking, baby."
"Sorry, ma'am."
Her slip into authoritarian mode made me wonder if she wanted to play, but she gently but firmly pushed me away and then sat up.
"I should get going," she said. "I have to make the rounds tonight... I've sort of been putting it off."
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that she was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls, especially after Ian had talked to her... but it still caught me off guard.
"Oh... um, okay," I said. It was one of those cases where words like that literally just meant "I don't have anything else to say but I'm going to gamble that saying nothing would be the most awkward thing possible, and lose."
"I'm sorry, baby," Amaranth said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face. She had nothing to feel guilty about but it seemed he wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"Should I have told you about this in advance? I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "And I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You can tell me if you don't like something... you know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becauseI'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred. "Ian will be down when he's done with his homework... you're going to be good for him, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
"And make sure you sleep. You do have class tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am."
The act of reflexively and affirmatively agreeing with her... of submitting myself to her will... was enough to calm my anxiety, and also get me in the mood. Even after she left, my mind was calm and clear in a way that it hadn't been before. I wasn't alone with my thoughts, I was... waiting. Amaranth hadn't left me, she'd put me where she wanted me to be.
[Half hour in. It took me a lot of tries to get this started, mostly because I was trying to put this dialogue between Ian and Mackenzie. Eventually realized that wasn't working, and why, and where it needed to go instead.]
I shouldn't have been at all surprised to find that Amaranth was taking the night to go out and do her good works among the residence halls while Ian stayed in our room, but it still caught me off guard when she said goodbye and kissed me on her way out the door a little bit after dinner.
Amaranth easily read my [], though she seemed unsure of its cause... I suppose she wanted to err on the side of caution, having been a little to quick to assume the best in the past.
"I'm sorry, baby," she said. "You know I can't stay with you every night."
"I know," I said. "And I didn't expect you to, really..."
She froze, a slightly guilty look on her face.
"Oh, I had the feeling you'd prefer it if Ian and I worked this sort of thing out between us," she said. "Did you want to be in the loop?"
"I actually was in the loop, sort of," I said. "I told him he should talk to you. But I've just had a lot of things coming at me today, and I guess I sort of forgot about it. That's all. I'm not disappointed or hurt, just surprised."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It's not my favorite thing, but it's not a terrible one," I said.
"You know it's not a bad thing to assert yourself," she said.
"I know," I said. "But it's an effort. I have to assert myself when I'm dealing with other people. It's like navigating a dungeon full of traps. I don't want to have to do it with you. I want a space in my life where I don't have to think... a place where there are no traps or pitfalls or things to trip over or walk into, where I don't have to second-guess every decision I make becuase I'm not the one deciding."
"So you are okay with this?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am," I said. "It just took me by surprise... it's like coming around a corner and finding yourself three inches away from a friend's face. The fact that you jump and yelp and take a big step backwards doesn't mean you aren't happy to see them. It just means you weren't expecting them to be right there."
Amaranth laughed.
"That's a good way of putting it," she said. "I thought you'd be happier this way, and I'm glad I'm right. I mean, I'm glad that you are happier."
"Your'e also glad to be right," I said, and she smirked and gave me a little bop on the nose.
"Honestly?" she said. She drew herself up to her fullest height and put her hands behind her back. These two things together had the effect of making her chest stick out even more, while she wore her most innocent look on her face. "I stopped noticing when I was right a long time ago. It's just like... background noise."
"Of course," I said.
"Of course, what?"
"Of course, ma'am," I said.
"Good girl," she purred.