Construction Post: TOMU 2-44
Nov. 8th, 2011 02:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexandraerin11/8/2011
2:00-2:30 - 600 words
3:00-3:30 - ~1000 words (+400)
5:30-6:00 - ~1600 words (+600)
[Half hour in. Rough beginning.]
"Did you hear anything last night?"
"No, I did not," Dee said. "I put a veil of silence up to give you your privacy when I heard that Ian was staying over. I had intended to ask if you felt any effects from proximity to it."
"No, I didn't notice it at all," I said. "It might have been a little uncomfortable if I'd had to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but since that never happens... anyway, though, I was asking because something happened and it might have saved some time explaining."
"I see," Dee said. "Did you receive another visitation from the demon who fathered you?"
"That obvious?"
"With your life, it would probably not do to underestimate the number of possible misadventures that could occur in a locked bedroom at night," she said. "But it seemed to me to be the most probable one. Has he learned ways around the countermeasures that you mastered?"
"Not that I could tell," I said. The possibility was always in my head that he might have been playing along in some fashion, choosing not to resist when I tried to wake up or exercise his full ability to manipulate my sleeping mind. "I did let him talk a bit longer than I should have, though."
"I cannot imagine any serious harm was done," Dee said. "I would advise you to practice vigilance against such laxity in the future, but to dwell on it will serve no purpose."
"I'm kind of wondering if he had anything to do with the death of my mother."
"You mean that you wonder if he was responsible for it."
I nodded.
"Is this the first time that the possibility has entered into your head?" Dee asked.
"Did everybody else just assume that he did it and not tell me?" I asked.
"I thought in the first place that you might be in possession of facts regarding the matter and in the second place that it was no business of mine," Dee said. "But in any case, I apologize... I do not mean to be brusque or presumptuous when we are talking about your mother."
And to my surprise, she got to her feet and hugged me. It was less awkward physically than I might have imagined... I didn't think that casual physical contact was very common in Dee's culture, and I knew that a lot of telepaths avoided it. I felt plenty awkward... being accustomed to seeing Dee in the nude was not the same thing as touching and being touched by her.
[]
"Hey, baby... Ian said you have something to tell me," Amaranth said.
"If you would like to discuss this further in private, I would be pleased to restore my privacy screen," Dee said.
"No thanks," I said. "Unless you're looking to get your room back, I don't mind having this conversation with you."
[]
"Baby," Amaranth began carefully, "have you..."
"Never thought of this before? No, I hadn't," I said. "And I'm sorry for interrupting, but I've had three different people ask me that so far today."
[]
"Ian came up with some ways to look into it without involving him," I said. "I think that's the best bet. If it was something suspicious, or violent, or obviously demon-related... well, that won't be proof, but it might be a sign to look further."
"I can do that, if you don't feel up to it," Amaranth said. "I can understand not wanting to dig through news archives for those kinds of details, but honestly, I'm a little surprised that you were never curious enough to look before."
[1 hour in.]
When it was properly morning, I went into the shared bathroom that connected our room to the one that Two shared with Dee and knocked on their door.
"You may enter, but please close the door behind you," Dee said from within.
I did as directed, not being too surprised to find Dee sitting in her meditation position in the nude. She didn't mind being seen without her vestments on, but that didn't mean she had no concern about her privacy. I imagined that she preferred to choose how exposed she was.
"Good morning, Dee," I said. Two was nowhere in sight, though her bunk was neatly made with her teddy bear Hand Wash sitting on top of the pillow. "Did you hear anything last night?"
"No, I did not," Dee said. "I put a veil of silence up to give you your privacy when I heard that Ian was staying over. I had intended to ask if you felt any effects from proximity to it."
"No, I didn't notice it at all," I said. "It might have been a little uncomfortable if I'd had to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but since that never happens... anyway, though, I was asking because something happened and it might have saved some time explaining."
"I see," Dee said. "Did you receive another visitation from the demon who fathered you?"
"That obvious?"
"With your life, it would probably not do to underestimate the number of possible misadventures that could occur in a locked bedroom at night," she said. "But it seemed to me to be the most probable one. Has he learned ways around the countermeasures that you mastered?"
"Not that I could tell," I said. The possibility was always in my head that he might have been playing along in some fashion, choosing not to resist when I tried to wake up or exercise his full ability to manipulate my sleeping mind. "I did let him talk a bit longer than I should have, though."
"I cannot imagine any serious harm was done," Dee said. "I would advise you to practice vigilance against such laxity in the future, but to dwell on it will serve no purpose."
"The thing is, one of the things he said has got me thinking..."
"An admirable occupation, in general," Dee said. "Though thoughts can be as treacherous as words. I these thoughts originated in treacherous words, I would advise caution."
"I'm being very suspicious of what he came to tell me, believe me," I said. "But this was more of a side thing... just the way he worded something. I'm kind of wondering if he had anything to do with the death of my mother."
"You mean that you wonder if he was responsible for it."
I nodded.
"Is this the first time that the possibility has entered into your head?" Dee asked.
"Did everybody else just assume that he did it and not tell me?" I asked.
"I thought in the first place that you might be in possession of facts regarding the matter and in the second place that it was no business of mine," Dee said. "But in any case, I apologize... I do not mean to be brusque or presumptuous when we are talking about your mother."
And to my surprise, she got to her feet and hugged me. It was less awkward physically than I might have imagined... I didn't think that casual physical contact was very common in Dee's culture, and I knew that a lot of telepaths avoided it. I felt plenty awkward... being accustomed to seeing Dee in the nude was not the same thing as touching and being touched by her.
"I'm okay!" I assured her. "Really. I mean, I miss my mom and I would give anything for her to be alive... but that happened years ago. I'm not like reliving her death or anything. Honestly, I'm more mad than anything."
Dee stepped back, though she kept her hands on my upper arms.
"Where I come from, anger is numbered among the comforting emotions," Dee said. "That is, one of the emotions that is deserving of and in need of comfort."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because one who is angry has been wronged, and one who has been wronged has been hurt," Dee said. "And because anger hurts, whether it is expressed or nursed within. It can be a healing pain, but it is pain nonetheless."
"I appreciate the gesture, but this isn't something that a hug can make go away," I said. "Ian held me for most of the night and while I didn't wake up in a giant frothy rage, I still can't think about it without getting angry again."
"I apologize," Dee said. "I did not intend to suggest that your pain is somehow more important than or truer than your anger... I have noticed that within human society, the only times that the pain of anger is acknowledged is when someone is attempting to minimize or deflect the anger by focusing attention elsewhere, but as my people practice comfort, this need not be the case. "
[]
"Hey, baby... Ian said you have something to tell me," Amaranth said.
"If you would like to discuss this further in private, I would be pleased to restore my privacy screen," Dee said.
"No thanks," I said. "Unless you're looking to get your room back, I don't mind having this conversation with you."
[]
"Baby," Amaranth began carefully, "have you..."
"Never thought of this before? No, I hadn't," I said. "And I'm sorry for interrupting, but I've had three different people ask me that so far today."
[]
"Ian came up with some ways to look into it without involving him," I said. "I think that's the best bet. If it was something suspicious, or violent, or obviously demon-related... well, that won't be proof, but it might be a sign to look further."
"I can do that, if you don't feel up to it," Amaranth said. "I can understand not wanting to dig through news archives for those kinds of details, but honestly, I'm a little surprised that you were never curious enough to look before."
[1.5 hours. Debating how far to go with some revelation/speculation in this chapter.]
When it was properly morning, I went into the shared bathroom that connected our room to the one that Two shared with Dee and knocked on their door.
"You may enter, but please close the door behind you," Dee said from within.
I did as directed, not being too surprised to find Dee sitting in her meditation position in the nude. She didn't mind being seen without her vestments on, but that didn't mean she had no concern about her privacy. I imagined that she preferred to choose how exposed she was.
"Good morning, Dee," I said. Two was nowhere in sight, though her bunk was neatly made with her teddy bear Hand Wash sitting on top of the pillow. "Did you hear anything last night?"
"No, I did not," Dee said. "I put a veil of silence up to give you your privacy when I heard that Ian was staying over. I had intended to ask if you felt any effects from proximity to it."
"No, I didn't notice it at all," I said. "It might have been a little uncomfortable if I'd had to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but since that never happens... anyway, though, I was asking because something happened and it might have saved some time explaining."
"I see," Dee said. "Did you receive another visitation from the demon who fathered you?"
"That obvious?"
"With your life, it would probably not do to underestimate the number of possible misadventures that could occur in a locked bedroom at night," she said. "But it seemed to me to be the most probable one. Has he learned ways around the countermeasures that you mastered?"
"Not that I could tell," I said. The possibility was always in my head that he might have been playing along in some fashion, choosing not to resist when I tried to wake up or exercise his full ability to manipulate my sleeping mind. "I did let him talk a bit longer than I should have, though."
"I cannot imagine any serious harm was done," Dee said. "I would advise you to practice vigilance against such laxity in the future, but to dwell on it will serve no purpose."
"The thing is, one of the things he said has got me thinking..."
"An admirable occupation, in general," Dee said. "Though thoughts can be as treacherous as words. I these thoughts originated in treacherous words, I would advise caution."
"I'm being very suspicious of what he came to tell me, believe me," I said. "But this was more of a side thing... just the way he worded something. I'm kind of wondering if he had anything to do with the death of my mother."
"You mean that you wonder if he was responsible for it."
I nodded.
"Is this the first time that the possibility has entered into your head?" Dee asked.
"Did everybody else just assume that he did it and not tell me?" I asked.
"I thought in the first place that you might be in possession of facts regarding the matter and in the second place that it was no business of mine," Dee said. "But in any case, I apologize... I do not mean to be brusque or presumptuous when we are talking about your mother."
And to my surprise, she got to her feet and hugged me. It was less awkward physically than I might have imagined... I didn't think that casual physical contact was very common in Dee's culture, and I knew that a lot of telepaths avoided it. I felt plenty awkward... being accustomed to seeing Dee in the nude was not the same thing as touching and being touched by her.
"I'm okay!" I assured her. "Really. I mean, I miss my mom and I would give anything for her to be alive... but that happened years ago. I'm not like reliving her death or anything. Honestly, I'm more mad than anything."
Dee stepped back, though she kept her hands on my upper arms.
"Where I come from, anger is numbered among the comforting emotions," Dee said. "That is, one of the emotions that is deserving of and in need of comfort."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because one who is deeply angry has been wronged, and one who has been wronged has been hurt," Dee said. "And because anger hurts, whether it is expressed or nursed within. It can be a healing pain, but it is pain nonetheless."
"I appreciate the gesture, but this isn't something that a hug can make go away," I said. "Ian held me for most of the night and while I didn't wake up in a giant frothy rage, I still can't think about it without getting angry again."
"I apologize," Dee said, letting go of me and taking a step back so she could bow slightly. "I did not intend to suggest that your pain is somehow more important than or truer than your anger... my intention is not to blunt your anger, but to lessen the burden of it."
"I guess I can understand that," I said. "I mean, it makes sense when you say it, but it's not how I'm used to thinking about anger. If somebody who is angry needs comfort, it kind of... well, it's like saying they're not really angry, or not angry for the right reasons. Like, 'Okay, what's really bothering you?'"
Dee nodded once.
"I have noticed that within human society, often the only time that the pain of anger is acknowledged is when someone is attempting to minimize or deflect the anger by focusing attention elsewhere," she said. "The way that my people practice comfort, this need not be the case."
"So you think my anger is justified?" I asked.
"It would not be my place to pass judgment on your anger," she said. "But I believe your interest in the truth of your mother's fate is well-placed."
"Even though I might not be able to prove anything, or do anything about it if I can?"
"It is important to you," Dee said. "She is important to you. This may not be a particularly practical concern, but the practical value of familial bonds depends on many things that seem impractical. Even when my ancestors were wandering in the wilds and fighting constantly for their own survival, they did not expunge all sentiment from their hearts."
[]
"Perhaps it would be easier to understand his motive in this thing if you could better understand his larger motives," Dee said. "You take it as an article of faith that he does not show up out of what one would call 'fatherly concern'?"
"Yeah," I said. "At best... absolute best... I could believe that he has an image in my head of the daughter he'd want, and that he's acting in her best interests. Encouraging me to see the rest of the world as enemies, trying to get me to treat my friendships like they're strategic alliances... and to get me away from people who can get between him and me."
"Interesting," Dee said.
"How so?"
"You might have been describing what is a somewhat popular philosophies among elves," Dee said. "Of all colors, I believe, though I am most familiar with it as it is practiced among my own kind. Proponents treat all interpersonal interactions as a potential power struggle and an opportunity to solidify one's position socially. They practice the arts of conversation and social politics in the same way that warriors drill at swordplay."
"I take it that you're not a true believer," I said. Dee was more formal in her friendships... and everything else... than anyone else I knew, but she was hardly mercenary about it. She valued friendship for its own sake, and would throw away a considerable advantage to help a friend.
"I am not," Dee said. "There are practitioners of the way of the manifold mind... or possibly tongue, or mind and tongue, as it might be rendered somewhat clumsily in Pax... within my house, but it did not have a strong foothold when I left. But I did not bring this up for reasons of idle cultural comparison. If someone who followed the way came to me and warned me of external dangers, I would assume that their desire was to position the two of us as allies, to bind themselves up with me in a web woven of mistrust."
[]
"Hey, baby... Ian said you have something to tell me," Amaranth said.
"If you would like to discuss this further in private, I would be pleased to restore my privacy screen," Dee said.
"No thanks," I said. "Unless you're looking to get your room back, I don't mind having this conversation with you."
[]
"Baby," Amaranth began carefully, "have you..."
"Never thought of this before? No, I hadn't," I said. "And I'm sorry for interrupting, but I've had three different people ask me that so far today."
[]
"Ian came up with some ways to look into it without involving him," I said. "I think that's the best bet. If it was something suspicious, or violent, or obviously demon-related... well, that won't be proof, but it might be a sign to look further."
"I can do that, if you don't feel up to it," Amaranth said. "I can understand not wanting to dig through news archives for those kinds of details, but honestly, I'm a little surprised that you were never curious enough to look before."
2:00-2:30 - 600 words
3:00-3:30 - ~1000 words (+400)
5:30-6:00 - ~1600 words (+600)
[Half hour in. Rough beginning.]
"Did you hear anything last night?"
"No, I did not," Dee said. "I put a veil of silence up to give you your privacy when I heard that Ian was staying over. I had intended to ask if you felt any effects from proximity to it."
"No, I didn't notice it at all," I said. "It might have been a little uncomfortable if I'd had to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but since that never happens... anyway, though, I was asking because something happened and it might have saved some time explaining."
"I see," Dee said. "Did you receive another visitation from the demon who fathered you?"
"That obvious?"
"With your life, it would probably not do to underestimate the number of possible misadventures that could occur in a locked bedroom at night," she said. "But it seemed to me to be the most probable one. Has he learned ways around the countermeasures that you mastered?"
"Not that I could tell," I said. The possibility was always in my head that he might have been playing along in some fashion, choosing not to resist when I tried to wake up or exercise his full ability to manipulate my sleeping mind. "I did let him talk a bit longer than I should have, though."
"I cannot imagine any serious harm was done," Dee said. "I would advise you to practice vigilance against such laxity in the future, but to dwell on it will serve no purpose."
"I'm kind of wondering if he had anything to do with the death of my mother."
"You mean that you wonder if he was responsible for it."
I nodded.
"Is this the first time that the possibility has entered into your head?" Dee asked.
"Did everybody else just assume that he did it and not tell me?" I asked.
"I thought in the first place that you might be in possession of facts regarding the matter and in the second place that it was no business of mine," Dee said. "But in any case, I apologize... I do not mean to be brusque or presumptuous when we are talking about your mother."
And to my surprise, she got to her feet and hugged me. It was less awkward physically than I might have imagined... I didn't think that casual physical contact was very common in Dee's culture, and I knew that a lot of telepaths avoided it. I felt plenty awkward... being accustomed to seeing Dee in the nude was not the same thing as touching and being touched by her.
[]
"Hey, baby... Ian said you have something to tell me," Amaranth said.
"If you would like to discuss this further in private, I would be pleased to restore my privacy screen," Dee said.
"No thanks," I said. "Unless you're looking to get your room back, I don't mind having this conversation with you."
[]
"Baby," Amaranth began carefully, "have you..."
"Never thought of this before? No, I hadn't," I said. "And I'm sorry for interrupting, but I've had three different people ask me that so far today."
[]
"Ian came up with some ways to look into it without involving him," I said. "I think that's the best bet. If it was something suspicious, or violent, or obviously demon-related... well, that won't be proof, but it might be a sign to look further."
"I can do that, if you don't feel up to it," Amaranth said. "I can understand not wanting to dig through news archives for those kinds of details, but honestly, I'm a little surprised that you were never curious enough to look before."
[1 hour in.]
When it was properly morning, I went into the shared bathroom that connected our room to the one that Two shared with Dee and knocked on their door.
"You may enter, but please close the door behind you," Dee said from within.
I did as directed, not being too surprised to find Dee sitting in her meditation position in the nude. She didn't mind being seen without her vestments on, but that didn't mean she had no concern about her privacy. I imagined that she preferred to choose how exposed she was.
"Good morning, Dee," I said. Two was nowhere in sight, though her bunk was neatly made with her teddy bear Hand Wash sitting on top of the pillow. "Did you hear anything last night?"
"No, I did not," Dee said. "I put a veil of silence up to give you your privacy when I heard that Ian was staying over. I had intended to ask if you felt any effects from proximity to it."
"No, I didn't notice it at all," I said. "It might have been a little uncomfortable if I'd had to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but since that never happens... anyway, though, I was asking because something happened and it might have saved some time explaining."
"I see," Dee said. "Did you receive another visitation from the demon who fathered you?"
"That obvious?"
"With your life, it would probably not do to underestimate the number of possible misadventures that could occur in a locked bedroom at night," she said. "But it seemed to me to be the most probable one. Has he learned ways around the countermeasures that you mastered?"
"Not that I could tell," I said. The possibility was always in my head that he might have been playing along in some fashion, choosing not to resist when I tried to wake up or exercise his full ability to manipulate my sleeping mind. "I did let him talk a bit longer than I should have, though."
"I cannot imagine any serious harm was done," Dee said. "I would advise you to practice vigilance against such laxity in the future, but to dwell on it will serve no purpose."
"The thing is, one of the things he said has got me thinking..."
"An admirable occupation, in general," Dee said. "Though thoughts can be as treacherous as words. I these thoughts originated in treacherous words, I would advise caution."
"I'm being very suspicious of what he came to tell me, believe me," I said. "But this was more of a side thing... just the way he worded something. I'm kind of wondering if he had anything to do with the death of my mother."
"You mean that you wonder if he was responsible for it."
I nodded.
"Is this the first time that the possibility has entered into your head?" Dee asked.
"Did everybody else just assume that he did it and not tell me?" I asked.
"I thought in the first place that you might be in possession of facts regarding the matter and in the second place that it was no business of mine," Dee said. "But in any case, I apologize... I do not mean to be brusque or presumptuous when we are talking about your mother."
And to my surprise, she got to her feet and hugged me. It was less awkward physically than I might have imagined... I didn't think that casual physical contact was very common in Dee's culture, and I knew that a lot of telepaths avoided it. I felt plenty awkward... being accustomed to seeing Dee in the nude was not the same thing as touching and being touched by her.
"I'm okay!" I assured her. "Really. I mean, I miss my mom and I would give anything for her to be alive... but that happened years ago. I'm not like reliving her death or anything. Honestly, I'm more mad than anything."
Dee stepped back, though she kept her hands on my upper arms.
"Where I come from, anger is numbered among the comforting emotions," Dee said. "That is, one of the emotions that is deserving of and in need of comfort."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because one who is angry has been wronged, and one who has been wronged has been hurt," Dee said. "And because anger hurts, whether it is expressed or nursed within. It can be a healing pain, but it is pain nonetheless."
"I appreciate the gesture, but this isn't something that a hug can make go away," I said. "Ian held me for most of the night and while I didn't wake up in a giant frothy rage, I still can't think about it without getting angry again."
"I apologize," Dee said. "I did not intend to suggest that your pain is somehow more important than or truer than your anger... I have noticed that within human society, the only times that the pain of anger is acknowledged is when someone is attempting to minimize or deflect the anger by focusing attention elsewhere, but as my people practice comfort, this need not be the case. "
[]
"Hey, baby... Ian said you have something to tell me," Amaranth said.
"If you would like to discuss this further in private, I would be pleased to restore my privacy screen," Dee said.
"No thanks," I said. "Unless you're looking to get your room back, I don't mind having this conversation with you."
[]
"Baby," Amaranth began carefully, "have you..."
"Never thought of this before? No, I hadn't," I said. "And I'm sorry for interrupting, but I've had three different people ask me that so far today."
[]
"Ian came up with some ways to look into it without involving him," I said. "I think that's the best bet. If it was something suspicious, or violent, or obviously demon-related... well, that won't be proof, but it might be a sign to look further."
"I can do that, if you don't feel up to it," Amaranth said. "I can understand not wanting to dig through news archives for those kinds of details, but honestly, I'm a little surprised that you were never curious enough to look before."
[1.5 hours. Debating how far to go with some revelation/speculation in this chapter.]
When it was properly morning, I went into the shared bathroom that connected our room to the one that Two shared with Dee and knocked on their door.
"You may enter, but please close the door behind you," Dee said from within.
I did as directed, not being too surprised to find Dee sitting in her meditation position in the nude. She didn't mind being seen without her vestments on, but that didn't mean she had no concern about her privacy. I imagined that she preferred to choose how exposed she was.
"Good morning, Dee," I said. Two was nowhere in sight, though her bunk was neatly made with her teddy bear Hand Wash sitting on top of the pillow. "Did you hear anything last night?"
"No, I did not," Dee said. "I put a veil of silence up to give you your privacy when I heard that Ian was staying over. I had intended to ask if you felt any effects from proximity to it."
"No, I didn't notice it at all," I said. "It might have been a little uncomfortable if I'd had to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but since that never happens... anyway, though, I was asking because something happened and it might have saved some time explaining."
"I see," Dee said. "Did you receive another visitation from the demon who fathered you?"
"That obvious?"
"With your life, it would probably not do to underestimate the number of possible misadventures that could occur in a locked bedroom at night," she said. "But it seemed to me to be the most probable one. Has he learned ways around the countermeasures that you mastered?"
"Not that I could tell," I said. The possibility was always in my head that he might have been playing along in some fashion, choosing not to resist when I tried to wake up or exercise his full ability to manipulate my sleeping mind. "I did let him talk a bit longer than I should have, though."
"I cannot imagine any serious harm was done," Dee said. "I would advise you to practice vigilance against such laxity in the future, but to dwell on it will serve no purpose."
"The thing is, one of the things he said has got me thinking..."
"An admirable occupation, in general," Dee said. "Though thoughts can be as treacherous as words. I these thoughts originated in treacherous words, I would advise caution."
"I'm being very suspicious of what he came to tell me, believe me," I said. "But this was more of a side thing... just the way he worded something. I'm kind of wondering if he had anything to do with the death of my mother."
"You mean that you wonder if he was responsible for it."
I nodded.
"Is this the first time that the possibility has entered into your head?" Dee asked.
"Did everybody else just assume that he did it and not tell me?" I asked.
"I thought in the first place that you might be in possession of facts regarding the matter and in the second place that it was no business of mine," Dee said. "But in any case, I apologize... I do not mean to be brusque or presumptuous when we are talking about your mother."
And to my surprise, she got to her feet and hugged me. It was less awkward physically than I might have imagined... I didn't think that casual physical contact was very common in Dee's culture, and I knew that a lot of telepaths avoided it. I felt plenty awkward... being accustomed to seeing Dee in the nude was not the same thing as touching and being touched by her.
"I'm okay!" I assured her. "Really. I mean, I miss my mom and I would give anything for her to be alive... but that happened years ago. I'm not like reliving her death or anything. Honestly, I'm more mad than anything."
Dee stepped back, though she kept her hands on my upper arms.
"Where I come from, anger is numbered among the comforting emotions," Dee said. "That is, one of the emotions that is deserving of and in need of comfort."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because one who is deeply angry has been wronged, and one who has been wronged has been hurt," Dee said. "And because anger hurts, whether it is expressed or nursed within. It can be a healing pain, but it is pain nonetheless."
"I appreciate the gesture, but this isn't something that a hug can make go away," I said. "Ian held me for most of the night and while I didn't wake up in a giant frothy rage, I still can't think about it without getting angry again."
"I apologize," Dee said, letting go of me and taking a step back so she could bow slightly. "I did not intend to suggest that your pain is somehow more important than or truer than your anger... my intention is not to blunt your anger, but to lessen the burden of it."
"I guess I can understand that," I said. "I mean, it makes sense when you say it, but it's not how I'm used to thinking about anger. If somebody who is angry needs comfort, it kind of... well, it's like saying they're not really angry, or not angry for the right reasons. Like, 'Okay, what's really bothering you?'"
Dee nodded once.
"I have noticed that within human society, often the only time that the pain of anger is acknowledged is when someone is attempting to minimize or deflect the anger by focusing attention elsewhere," she said. "The way that my people practice comfort, this need not be the case."
"So you think my anger is justified?" I asked.
"It would not be my place to pass judgment on your anger," she said. "But I believe your interest in the truth of your mother's fate is well-placed."
"Even though I might not be able to prove anything, or do anything about it if I can?"
"It is important to you," Dee said. "She is important to you. This may not be a particularly practical concern, but the practical value of familial bonds depends on many things that seem impractical. Even when my ancestors were wandering in the wilds and fighting constantly for their own survival, they did not expunge all sentiment from their hearts."
[]
"Perhaps it would be easier to understand his motive in this thing if you could better understand his larger motives," Dee said. "You take it as an article of faith that he does not show up out of what one would call 'fatherly concern'?"
"Yeah," I said. "At best... absolute best... I could believe that he has an image in my head of the daughter he'd want, and that he's acting in her best interests. Encouraging me to see the rest of the world as enemies, trying to get me to treat my friendships like they're strategic alliances... and to get me away from people who can get between him and me."
"Interesting," Dee said.
"How so?"
"You might have been describing what is a somewhat popular philosophies among elves," Dee said. "Of all colors, I believe, though I am most familiar with it as it is practiced among my own kind. Proponents treat all interpersonal interactions as a potential power struggle and an opportunity to solidify one's position socially. They practice the arts of conversation and social politics in the same way that warriors drill at swordplay."
"I take it that you're not a true believer," I said. Dee was more formal in her friendships... and everything else... than anyone else I knew, but she was hardly mercenary about it. She valued friendship for its own sake, and would throw away a considerable advantage to help a friend.
"I am not," Dee said. "There are practitioners of the way of the manifold mind... or possibly tongue, or mind and tongue, as it might be rendered somewhat clumsily in Pax... within my house, but it did not have a strong foothold when I left. But I did not bring this up for reasons of idle cultural comparison. If someone who followed the way came to me and warned me of external dangers, I would assume that their desire was to position the two of us as allies, to bind themselves up with me in a web woven of mistrust."
[]
"Hey, baby... Ian said you have something to tell me," Amaranth said.
"If you would like to discuss this further in private, I would be pleased to restore my privacy screen," Dee said.
"No thanks," I said. "Unless you're looking to get your room back, I don't mind having this conversation with you."
[]
"Baby," Amaranth began carefully, "have you..."
"Never thought of this before? No, I hadn't," I said. "And I'm sorry for interrupting, but I've had three different people ask me that so far today."
[]
"Ian came up with some ways to look into it without involving him," I said. "I think that's the best bet. If it was something suspicious, or violent, or obviously demon-related... well, that won't be proof, but it might be a sign to look further."
"I can do that, if you don't feel up to it," Amaranth said. "I can understand not wanting to dig through news archives for those kinds of details, but honestly, I'm a little surprised that you were never curious enough to look before."