Friday, November 30th
Nov. 30th, 2012 11:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexandraerinThe Daily Report
So, I've been having a good week. A really good week. My ongoing attempts at better living through (brain) chemistry are continuing to bear fruit. A big breakthrough was when I realized exactly how much the peaks and valleys of my emotional well-being correlate to my caffeine usage. Cutting caffeine eliminated the depths of the valleys, but it also flattened the peaks of the mountains. Taking away caffeine has taken away a lot of my drive to achieve, my sense of accomplishment and excitement about anything... but realizing that was a big clue into the underlying issues that were driving my heavy caffeine use, so I've been taking up other means of boosting dopamine.
We're about a week into my first experiment in this area now, and the results are encouraging, to say the very least. I know I've been saying that I felt good from my other herbal experiments, but that's... feeling pleasant within oneself. This is excited about things. As good as I've felt, I've been having an extended "fake it until you make it" session when it comes to motivation... I had light, now I have fire.
But I'm not manic. I'm not being overwhelmed by frustration or anger. I've got the fire back, but it's a clean-burning fuel.
I'm also getting continuing evidence of my improving physical health. About three years ago I bought a new monitor. Well, it was used and slightly damaged, so it was cheap, which was how I could afford it since it's huge. When I first got it, I could barely lift it and was staggering around under its weight. Now... I won't say it's light as a feather, and I know from experience my arms would hate me if I tried to hold it for too long, but I can lift it without a problem and even carry it up the stairs.
Of course, the reason I had to lift it and carry it was that it had died on me. RIP giant monitor. I am blessed to have a spare, though... I think I mentioned this past summer that my parents gifted me with a lot of their computer equipment when they upgraded? Yep. It's not as big, but that's only a slight blow to the quality of my gaming experience. It doesn't affect anything terribly important.
The State of the Me
See above.
Plans For Today
Got a chapter of Tales of MU to finish... and another, separate chapter to post. It's finished, but I'll be posting it in the evening anyway in case of a sudden inspiration as to how to improve it.
So, I've been having a good week. A really good week. My ongoing attempts at better living through (brain) chemistry are continuing to bear fruit. A big breakthrough was when I realized exactly how much the peaks and valleys of my emotional well-being correlate to my caffeine usage. Cutting caffeine eliminated the depths of the valleys, but it also flattened the peaks of the mountains. Taking away caffeine has taken away a lot of my drive to achieve, my sense of accomplishment and excitement about anything... but realizing that was a big clue into the underlying issues that were driving my heavy caffeine use, so I've been taking up other means of boosting dopamine.
We're about a week into my first experiment in this area now, and the results are encouraging, to say the very least. I know I've been saying that I felt good from my other herbal experiments, but that's... feeling pleasant within oneself. This is excited about things. As good as I've felt, I've been having an extended "fake it until you make it" session when it comes to motivation... I had light, now I have fire.
But I'm not manic. I'm not being overwhelmed by frustration or anger. I've got the fire back, but it's a clean-burning fuel.
I'm also getting continuing evidence of my improving physical health. About three years ago I bought a new monitor. Well, it was used and slightly damaged, so it was cheap, which was how I could afford it since it's huge. When I first got it, I could barely lift it and was staggering around under its weight. Now... I won't say it's light as a feather, and I know from experience my arms would hate me if I tried to hold it for too long, but I can lift it without a problem and even carry it up the stairs.
Of course, the reason I had to lift it and carry it was that it had died on me. RIP giant monitor. I am blessed to have a spare, though... I think I mentioned this past summer that my parents gifted me with a lot of their computer equipment when they upgraded? Yep. It's not as big, but that's only a slight blow to the quality of my gaming experience. It doesn't affect anything terribly important.
The State of the Me
See above.
Plans For Today
Got a chapter of Tales of MU to finish... and another, separate chapter to post. It's finished, but I'll be posting it in the evening anyway in case of a sudden inspiration as to how to improve it.