Friday, March 13th
Mar. 13th, 2015 11:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexandraerinDaily Reflection
Okay, so two things.
One is that I definitely need more structure to my daily posts in order to keep them daily and get anything out of them, and I definitely need my daily posts to give structure to my week and help me pull myself up when I'm down.
And... I have been down. To be honest, I have been down for a long time. I don't tend to recognize the symptoms of depression in myself very easily (does anyone) in part because I have a fairly low emotional register most of the time, and even when I do, part of my coping strategy is very much to go through the motions and try to bull my way through it.
That hasn't been getting me anywhere lately. I am trying a combination of things, including mindfulness exercises and greater caffeine intake earlier in the day, and I think they can help, but I think the biggest thing I can do to keep from just sinking deeper into the mire is to make sure I'm actually doing things, and a big part of that is doing these daily posts.
I'm going to be trying a few changes in structure for it, though. This is the first new thing I'm trying right here: starting the post with a reflection. Sometimes this will be a more personal, less practical minutiae version of the State of the Me. Sometimes it will just be "Here is this random train of thought that I'm following right now."
...I wrote "Okay, two things at the start of this." I don't remember what the second one was. Oops.
The Daily Report
Well, I've gotten more done by 11 this morning than I feel like I did the rest of the week leading up to this. All technical nitty-gritty stuff, but all stuff that needed doing.
I am working on drawing the current book of Tales of MU to its conclusion. When I started writing the holiday vacation story, I was thinking of it as a a light, fun, easy-to-write fluff break. It was great to have it to write back in the fall when I had a lot of energy and excitement about things, but it's so much the opposite of what I feel that it's really been a challenge to keep it going. It started out easy, but lately it has been the hardest thing I've written. I'm looking forward to tying it off in the next few chapters.
I have not mentioned Angels of the Meanwhile (the Pope Lizbet chapbook) for a while... if depression has made it hard for me to finish my own things, it is an absolute paralytic when it comes to a big project that other people are counting on. It is behind schedule, but not forgotten or abandoned. Expect regular updates about it next week.
The State of the Me
After I had a hard time getting out of bed basically every day this week, last night I put a can of Dr. Pepper on my windowsill where it's not in reach while I'm laying down (because I tend to get thirsty in the night, and I don't want to mix it up with the non-caffeinated beverage I keep in arm's reach) but is reachable while I'm sitting up. It made quite a difference. I took a relaxing bath at nine, ate breakfast at ten, and was writing this post by 11 after some morning upkeep.
Plans For Today
I'm going to spend my time today alternating between being at the computer, and being up and about moving around. My office is in pretty good shape, though a little disarray. My bedroom is not really livable except the corner that I sleep in. I think a little light physical activity breaking up my computer time will be good for my mental and emotional state, and decreasing the clutter/increasing my walking-around space will help in the long run. I also have an old monitor stand that is the perfect height to use as a standing desk for my laptop, but it's buried in a corner of my room and I don't have a place to put it.
Okay, so two things.
One is that I definitely need more structure to my daily posts in order to keep them daily and get anything out of them, and I definitely need my daily posts to give structure to my week and help me pull myself up when I'm down.
And... I have been down. To be honest, I have been down for a long time. I don't tend to recognize the symptoms of depression in myself very easily (does anyone) in part because I have a fairly low emotional register most of the time, and even when I do, part of my coping strategy is very much to go through the motions and try to bull my way through it.
That hasn't been getting me anywhere lately. I am trying a combination of things, including mindfulness exercises and greater caffeine intake earlier in the day, and I think they can help, but I think the biggest thing I can do to keep from just sinking deeper into the mire is to make sure I'm actually doing things, and a big part of that is doing these daily posts.
I'm going to be trying a few changes in structure for it, though. This is the first new thing I'm trying right here: starting the post with a reflection. Sometimes this will be a more personal, less practical minutiae version of the State of the Me. Sometimes it will just be "Here is this random train of thought that I'm following right now."
...I wrote "Okay, two things at the start of this." I don't remember what the second one was. Oops.
The Daily Report
Well, I've gotten more done by 11 this morning than I feel like I did the rest of the week leading up to this. All technical nitty-gritty stuff, but all stuff that needed doing.
I am working on drawing the current book of Tales of MU to its conclusion. When I started writing the holiday vacation story, I was thinking of it as a a light, fun, easy-to-write fluff break. It was great to have it to write back in the fall when I had a lot of energy and excitement about things, but it's so much the opposite of what I feel that it's really been a challenge to keep it going. It started out easy, but lately it has been the hardest thing I've written. I'm looking forward to tying it off in the next few chapters.
I have not mentioned Angels of the Meanwhile (the Pope Lizbet chapbook) for a while... if depression has made it hard for me to finish my own things, it is an absolute paralytic when it comes to a big project that other people are counting on. It is behind schedule, but not forgotten or abandoned. Expect regular updates about it next week.
The State of the Me
After I had a hard time getting out of bed basically every day this week, last night I put a can of Dr. Pepper on my windowsill where it's not in reach while I'm laying down (because I tend to get thirsty in the night, and I don't want to mix it up with the non-caffeinated beverage I keep in arm's reach) but is reachable while I'm sitting up. It made quite a difference. I took a relaxing bath at nine, ate breakfast at ten, and was writing this post by 11 after some morning upkeep.
Plans For Today
I'm going to spend my time today alternating between being at the computer, and being up and about moving around. My office is in pretty good shape, though a little disarray. My bedroom is not really livable except the corner that I sleep in. I think a little light physical activity breaking up my computer time will be good for my mental and emotional state, and decreasing the clutter/increasing my walking-around space will help in the long run. I also have an old monitor stand that is the perfect height to use as a standing desk for my laptop, but it's buried in a corner of my room and I don't have a place to put it.