alexandraerin

Note: The situation that prompted this has been more-or-less resolved. My face is still full of infection, but I have meds for that, and my tooth is still abscessed, but I have an appointment for taking care of that when it's not nestled up against a Giant Swollen Infected Cheek Of Doom. So while I'm sure there will be use for all the positive energy and kind words in the coming days, nothing more urgent than that is necessary. Thank you.

...I'm not good at asking for help for myself. I've never issued an appeal for contributions that went beyond my own readers, who benefit directly from the exercise of my talents, and I've always tried, to the best of my abilities, to give value back for value. My appeal for aid yesterday is all about that. I know I've shaken some people's faith in my ability to do what I do. I am sure I can come back out of it, once I've managed to fix what's wrong with my life and what's wrong with my teeth... both problems that I've consistently back-burnered because I thought I had to take care of the writing first, come hell or high water, and so I ended up struggling to keep doing the same work routine as my personal life, living situation, and body deterioriated.

That was wrong, obviously. There's no writing without a writer. I'm learning to take care of myself now. I'm taking more charge of my life than I ever have, except maybe at two points: when I left college to try forging my own path and when I left my last job because I saw the way to do that. If I were always as brave as I was then, I would be every bit as awesome as people tell me I am, but I haven't been.

I'm not good at asking for help for myself, but I've always done what I can to bring attention to other people in tight spots and with runs of bad luck. I donate money to others when I have an unexpected run of good luck. I help out my friends and the people I care about, sometimes directly and sometimes not. The amount of money that I need isn't much, in comparison to some of the internet panic buttons that have been hit... I mean, I haven't seen the dental bills yet but it could be as "low" as a few hundred dollars. It could be much more, depending on what all needs to be done so that I'm no longer in danger. I don't know, and I'm afraid to find out.

(That fear is one of the reasons I tried to ignore the problem. Not a rational impulse. Not a productive one. But a powerful one. If I'd ever so much as looked at my options for affordable dentistry before, I would have had this tooth taken care of long ago before it became more than an occasional pain.)

And I am in danger. An abscessed tooth isn't just pain... in the days before modern dentistry and antibiotics, people died of toothaches. Infection in the gums spreads out, enters the bloodstream... gets into the heart, the other organs. This is why I have an appointment tomorrow that, as of the moment I'm writing this, I don't have the money to pay for. Their payment plans require a "checking account in good standing". I haven't kept money in a checking account for years. If this could wait a few months I could just stretch things out and let my regular income take care of that. But I don't have any wiggle room right now, in my time or in my budget.

So, if I've ever helped you, or someone you care about... please spread the word, if you can't help other ways. I need help. I need it badly and I need it now. I wish I could come up with something pithy and catchy to describe my plight and why people who might never have heard of me or read my stories should care about me, but I really can't. My problems, personal and memory-related, have kept me from fully participating in a community of weblit authors that I feel like I could have done so much more to help build. The fact is that nobody owes me anything, but I am scared and I am in pain and I don't know what else to do.

(cross-posted to Tales of MU)

Edited to add, per anonymous suggestion:

Donation link.