The heart of the problem.
Aug. 11th, 2009 12:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexandraerinI was going to post this after putting up the Tales of MU I have written in the other window, but then I realized I'll want to link the story to this post, for the people who don't read my blog.
So, as people who already read this already know, a couple weeks back I went to the doctor with a bit of a fever. I was diagnosed with a throat infection, which happily already seemed to be on its way out by the time I noticed it, but after I recounted my recent health history and realized I'd probably been nursing the infection for some time, the doctor was troubled at the state of my immune system and... especially after hearing my family history... my blood pressure and heart rate.
Basically, I was told that I was killing myself with stress, and if I wanted to avoid a bunch of medication that she knows I can't really afford (and would rather avoid in either case... I want to put that out there so nobody thinks I'm putting my health on the line over a lack of funds), I needed to make some lifestyle changes.
Fortunately most of the stress in my life is self-inflicted. It comes from me not being able to let go of things, going back to the same topics and same people and same sites that cause me aggravation, etc. I've voluntarily blocked myself off from as many internet destinations as I can think of that were basically nothing more to me than daggers with which to stab myself in the eye with (I'm sure most of us have sites like that), and I've been doing my best to not get worked up over things and to take time to breathe and to get some mild exercise in every day. I've been exploring some more social hobbies, reveling in things I enjoy instead of wallowing in things that offend and annoy.
I'm going back in tomorrow to see how all my major not-dead-yet indicators are doing after these changes and when I'm not running a fever. I'm feeling optimistic because I'm feeling pretty healthy, physically. I didn't realize how run-down I felt until I stopped feeling that way.
But at the same time, I'm also kind of feeling more malaise-y than usual. Calm isn't a usual thing for me. I haven't really figured out how to make it work. I lose focus if I don't have something driving me. If things look good tomorrow, though, I'm going to kick things back up a notch, in a balanced and healthy way.
If they don't? If the doctor says I'm terribly, terribly unhealthy and will need to be put on medication? I hate to say it... but I've had a lot of time to think it over in the past week, and it might come down to looking for a job that can get me health insurance. Which wouldn't mean I'd abandon my writing, just that the frequency would go down even from its current low. It definitely wouldn't be like the last time I was working and writing, because I'm pretty sure that's the closest I've ever come to working myself to death.
But that's the worst case scenario. And actually, it really isn't. The fact that I'm sitting here typing and will likely be able to continue to sit here typing even intermittently means I'm not hitting the worst case scenario. I consider myself blessed to have had the wake-up call be "You might give yourself a heart attack later if you don't calm down." instead of "You've given yourself a heart attack." Even financially speaking, it's a lot cheaper to keep oneself from becoming a heart patient than it is being one.
So, as people who already read this already know, a couple weeks back I went to the doctor with a bit of a fever. I was diagnosed with a throat infection, which happily already seemed to be on its way out by the time I noticed it, but after I recounted my recent health history and realized I'd probably been nursing the infection for some time, the doctor was troubled at the state of my immune system and... especially after hearing my family history... my blood pressure and heart rate.
Basically, I was told that I was killing myself with stress, and if I wanted to avoid a bunch of medication that she knows I can't really afford (and would rather avoid in either case... I want to put that out there so nobody thinks I'm putting my health on the line over a lack of funds), I needed to make some lifestyle changes.
Fortunately most of the stress in my life is self-inflicted. It comes from me not being able to let go of things, going back to the same topics and same people and same sites that cause me aggravation, etc. I've voluntarily blocked myself off from as many internet destinations as I can think of that were basically nothing more to me than daggers with which to stab myself in the eye with (I'm sure most of us have sites like that), and I've been doing my best to not get worked up over things and to take time to breathe and to get some mild exercise in every day. I've been exploring some more social hobbies, reveling in things I enjoy instead of wallowing in things that offend and annoy.
I'm going back in tomorrow to see how all my major not-dead-yet indicators are doing after these changes and when I'm not running a fever. I'm feeling optimistic because I'm feeling pretty healthy, physically. I didn't realize how run-down I felt until I stopped feeling that way.
But at the same time, I'm also kind of feeling more malaise-y than usual. Calm isn't a usual thing for me. I haven't really figured out how to make it work. I lose focus if I don't have something driving me. If things look good tomorrow, though, I'm going to kick things back up a notch, in a balanced and healthy way.
If they don't? If the doctor says I'm terribly, terribly unhealthy and will need to be put on medication? I hate to say it... but I've had a lot of time to think it over in the past week, and it might come down to looking for a job that can get me health insurance. Which wouldn't mean I'd abandon my writing, just that the frequency would go down even from its current low. It definitely wouldn't be like the last time I was working and writing, because I'm pretty sure that's the closest I've ever come to working myself to death.
But that's the worst case scenario. And actually, it really isn't. The fact that I'm sitting here typing and will likely be able to continue to sit here typing even intermittently means I'm not hitting the worst case scenario. I consider myself blessed to have had the wake-up call be "You might give yourself a heart attack later if you don't calm down." instead of "You've given yourself a heart attack." Even financially speaking, it's a lot cheaper to keep oneself from becoming a heart patient than it is being one.
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no subject
on 2009-08-11 10:37 pm (UTC)Dunno if this will work for you. Caveats: here, plans won't even take you if you have a significant pre-existing condition. In some other states, they'll cover you except for pre-existing conditions (this is not allowed in California). I don't know if your family history counts. In any state, premiums depend on age.
The rules suck, but if you can get on a plan, it's worth it. Easiest way to get to the bottom of all this: find an insurance agent and ask them what you can get.